


They Shine For You || Levi x Reader

by JustPersevering



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Doesn't Strictly Follow Canon, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Reader, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Levi x Female Reader, Levi x Reader - Freeform, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Possible smut, Reader-Insert, attack on titan - Freeform, but is set in universe, reader is an adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:42:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustPersevering/pseuds/JustPersevering
Summary: “They’re so pretty...”“Of course they are, they shine for you.”In which a young cadet faced with the past horrors of war and slaughter decides to confront it head-on, and a certain captain wouldn't let her do it alone.In a world where no one has any guarantee of living, what would be the cost of caring for someone else?
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	1. The Tree-Hugger's Demise

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings to those reading this! Thanks for clicking on my story!
> 
> I'm kind of new to the SnK fandom but I thought I'd try writing something for it because I found myself desperately searching for good Levi x Reader that isn't either a modern AU or a weird threesome with Erwin. I will say that this fanfic doesn't strictly follow canon, however.
> 
> But I do hope you enjoy it!

_“They’re so pretty...”_

_“Of course they are, they shine for you.”_

;;;;;

Blood stained the bark a deep red as it trailed down in branching rivulets. You wince at the shooting pain that ran up your arm and paused to readjust the bandages that wrapped around your bruised, bloodied knuckles.

The poor tree was battered, parts of its trunk smooth from years of being used as a punching bag. Deciding now was as good a time as any to take a break, you took a sip of water and wiped the sweat from your brow. Your senses stayed on high alert, but all you could hear was the subtle sounds of nature. The rustling leaves high above you, the gentle footsteps of woodland animals on the forest ground. If you closed your eyes for just a moment, you were certain sleep would come to claim you.

You were absolutely exhausted.

You were graduating in a month, and the fact was somewhat relieving. It made you work harder, push yourself and your body to your limits. But the thrill of the thought propped you up and kept you going. At last, you wouldn’t just be a trainee to look down upon. You would be a soldier, a fighter, wiping out every last one of those Titans that stole your home. That killed your childhood innocence, and that would kill more.

Anger filled you, an inferno that burned all the memories that made you soft and weak. Memories you could never live through or recreate. The tree before you turned into a Titan in your mind, mouth wide open and full of hunger. Growling, you land one last, hard punch on the tree.

_Crack!_

“SON OF A BITCH!”

The leaves and branches above you rustled, but by then it was only a moment of numb before the pain kicked right in. The forest seemed to go still. Tears prick the corner of your eyes; you grit your teeth and bite your cheek until it bled to keep from screaming more profanities, clutching your now injured hand to your chest. It throbbed and started swelling, and you curse yourself for your idiocy.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you pack up and head back to base, leaving behind the otherwise peaceful forest while cradling your hand. The sky was darker than you thought it looked under the tree’s canopy, the sun nearly swallowed by the horizon. You were in there for far longer than you thought, wasting one of the few hours of spare time that you earned. The others were no doubt already gathered in the dining hall after yet another rigorous day of training.

You somewhat envied them. Sure, most of their skills could not match yours. And they were but children, their hearts still pure and whole. But they had boundless energy and determination to get them through anything, and when they inevitably die, they would die convinced that they died a hero. A short, fulfilling life.

Your feet carried you to the infirmary to get your hand checked out, away from the raucous laughter and the smells of a stale dinner. Your stomach grumbled, but you force it down for now. Treating your hand came first. Though you had a high-pain tolerance, you were scared that you had broken something permanently and that it would affect your chances of becoming an effective soldier, instead of just Titan food.

You paused at the door for a split second.

The infirmary was mostly empty, save for one bed. A man laid on its pristine white sheets, his pale skin crusted with dry blood and dirt. Leaves dotted his jet black, messy hair. A bandage adorned his torso, that too covered in dry blood. And draped around his shoulders was the signature green cape of the Survey Corps. His eyes remained closed, so you assumed he was sleeping and headed towards the nearest nurse. She seemed upset to be interrupted from whatever she was doing, but obliges you regardless.

“What on earth were you doing?” the nurse muttered, shaking her head in disapproval as she unwraps your bandages and examines it. Your skin was no longer its usual colour, instead it was a riot of dark red blood, pink scarred flesh, bluish old bruises, and greenish new ones. It wasn’t exactly a pretty sight. Your knuckle was indeed swollen, and you let out a pained hiss when the nurse prodded it gently.

“Training,” you replied curtly. The nurse quickly got out medication and expertly treated the new wounds and your knuckle, before wrapping it up in fresh bandages. The pain was definitely still there, but it felt much better now.

“Thankfully, it isn’t fractured, just heavily bruised. Whatever you were punching, don’t for the next week or two,” the nurse advised sternly. Your expression soured for a moment, you hated being idle. Damn it, why did you have to injure yourself so stupidly?

“Well what if the tree is mean to me again?” you asked, sarcasm thick in your voice. The nurse shook her head one more time and sighed before leaving you be to check on the man two beds down, offering no reply.

Something kept you rooted to your place as the nurse fretted over the man’s clearly more serious injuries. He looked nearly ethereal, if he wasn’t wounded so badly. Though the room was only dimly lit with flickering candles, his presence glowed and filled. Even in sleep, he looked harsh. Battle-worn. His whole being dominated the room, all while his eyes remained firmly shut.

He definitely wasn’t one of the trainees. Who was he? You had never seen him before, you were sure of that. You wouldn’t forget such a man so easily.

The nurse eventually left, so the room was left with only you and him. The silence was nearly stifling, and you knew you ought to leave so you can have some dinner. But your feet refused to budge, and your eyes remained transfixed and content with assessing the man before you.

Until his eyes cracked open, as dark and magical as a sliver of moonlight.

“A tree, really? What kind of an idiot are you, brat?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, not at all expecting the man to be awake. His voice was dry and scratchy, probably from lack of water, but laced with arrogance. And though he was mortally wounded, his expression remained neutral, almost bored as he surveyed you.

“I was training,” you spat out, annoyance flaring up a fire within you. The man sneered at you from his bed, as unimpressed as the nurse was.

“What were you training for, to fight monkeys?” His sarcasm and sharp tongue would have sent you into a fit of rage if it didn’t mirror your own style of speaking so closely. It was eerie, really.

“And what were you doing? Did a tree stab you or did you fall out of one on your own?” you said with a sharp smirk on your lips, eyes trained on the leaves among his dark locks. The man clicked his tongue in clear annoyance.

“You dare speak so impolitely to your superior, you good for nothing brat?” the man said, his bored expression falling for a second to reveal incredulous rage. It thrilled you that you managed to get a rise from such a rude, cocky individual. But his blank expression deftly slipped back on, like a cold mask over his emotions.

“Careful,” you said. Your lips lifted into a playful, teasing smirk. “You almost seem angry.”

Then you left the room as suddenly as you came, before the battle of masked annoyance and sharpness of tongue could escalate any further. Behind your stoic expression, your heart was beating wildly in your chest. You didn’t know who that was, but if what he was saying is true, you just talked back to your superior. That fact made you groan and rub your face out of frustration, what world of trouble did you get yourself into now?

Whoever he was, he looked important. Or at least, he talked like he was important, if he could insult you so easily. He was clearly not used to being talked back to too, you imagined his cold gaze was enough to make any trainee cower in fear. But hell if you were going to let a man bully you into submission. How were you going to beat the Titans if you can’t even stand up to a human, and a rather short one at that?

A giggle threatened to escape your lips. You were one of the smallest trainees, and the man looked barely taller than you. But he was a battle-hardened Scout, and everyone knows that Scouts usually don’t last long. He was probably highly skilled despite his stature, used enough to wounds that he could ignore his severe one so easily.

Curiosity tickled the edges of your mind, but you quickly force it down. Yes, you were planning on joining the Scouts, but if he was as important as he thought himself to be, you probably won’t even see him again as a new recruit. You might as well move on with your life, the guy wasn’t the first person you sassed out anyway. Your stomach growled once more, a cue, ushering you towards the dining room. Hopefully, the ravenous appetites of the little rascals hadn’t finished all the rations.

…

_She was beautiful. A simple, unnoticeable type of beauty. But when noticed, would never leave your mind._

Levi laid down, as still as a statue, with his eyes trained on the ceiling. Emotions in swirls of inky black and foggy grey coiled within him, mixing with hints of confusion. Though his memories were foggy, he distinctly remembered a Titan capture attempt gone wrong had been the cause of the searing pain near his abdomen.

He’ll kill Hange later, why did he ever agree to join her?

Levi was reckless, he remembered that. A Titan had distracted him from seeing where he was going, and the tall tree seemed to pop up out of nowhere with the express intent of getting Levi killed. The stumble brought him right into the hands of a Titan, who was luckily killed by his squad before it could eat him.

Levi sighed, frustrated with himself. He could not afford such slip-ups, he was Humanity’s Strongest. And what a silly joke it would be if a tree killed him.

Despite his near-death, only one thing occupied Levi’s mind right now, and it was the fact that he had never had anyone speak to him like that girl just did. It left him in utter confusion. Most trainees were far too afraid or respectful to ever say anything more than stiff, rehearsed words to him. Even his fellow Scouts remained forever bowed down when he passed, his name and reputation far surpassing him.

Erwin would never rise to his insults with such a quick and sharp tongue, and Hange had always ignored most of what came out of his mouth outside the battlefield. Levi wondered what kind of girl you were, that you dare do what you just did.

You weren’t quite a girl though, you were a woman. And that struck him nearly as odd as your behaviour was. Levi was used to the 12-year-olds that ran around the training grounds like reckless little heroes, the age at which most people joined the military. He wished he could have known your name before you left, but he was sure finding out would be easy. Not a lot of cadets were above the age of 15, after all.

_Who the hell are you, you disrespectful brat?_

Something felt missing. Where was that red, hot rage that should have been burning inside him at such disrespect from a stupid brat? All that was within was cool blue intrigue, as the memory of your fiery gaze kept him company through the night. Well, at least Levi knew what he was doing the next day.


	2. The Conflicted Secret Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could you possibly dare to speak to him so disrespectfully? Unless...?

You were back to your regular schedule the next day, thoroughly ignoring the nurse’s words and the dull but throbbing pain in your hand. You tried your best to lay off hand-to-hand combat, instead practicing with your ODM gear, but you definitely weren’t staying inside and resting your hand as that disapproving nurse would have wanted you to do.

You flew around the training grounds, practicing maneuvers at your top speed. Your blades slashed at the napes of the dummy Titans scattered around, and the feeling sent a rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. This was your favorite part, being able to zip around so fast, you were basically a ghost.

Those that stayed on the ground to practice hand-to-hand combat were looking at you in awe. In particular was a young boy, his bluish-green eyes filled with admiration. Their instructor quickly barked at them to get back to training, but some simply could not tear their eyes off you.

_Well, that was easy._

Levi watched from the shadows of the base building as you moved through the air effortlessly. He had been prepared to spend his entire day trying to find your face among the crowd, but you stood out and shined like a beacon.

Your skills on the ODM gear were impressive, he had to admit. Outstanding skill of any sort is desperately needed in the front lines, where the Survey Corps fights their battles, to avoid it fully becoming a bloody massacre.

Levi had a feeling that with skills like yours, you would choose the comfort and safety offered by the Military Police. It frustrated him, that so much potential was wasted like so. But maybe it was for the best, why would he want a brat like you working near him anyway?

Come to think of it, why did he even care? You were but one of many trainees. Skilled, but there were numerous skilled killers with potential among the recruits. His eyes scanned the crowd, sharp gaze quickly assessing the class that was due for graduation in merely a month. Many were just children, and it pained him when he thought about the death that loomed now that Wall Maria had fallen.

“Oh, you again.”

You would have completely missed the man that stood robed in shadows had you not felt his piercing gaze. Levi snapped out of his thoughts as he watched you approach him, so casually. He raised an eyebrow at how informally you addressed him, but left it be.

_Does she not… No. That’s impossible._

“Aren’t you supposed to rest your hand, tree hugger?” Levi drawled, glancing at the dirty bandages that wrapped around your knuckles before rolling his eyes. You grin and stretch your wrist, shaking your head.

“Doesn’t hurt,” you said with a shrug. “And what about you? Shouldn’t you be on bed rest or something?”

“Assuming things now?” To tell the truth, Levi had completely forgotten about his wound until you brought it up, too consumed with his thoughts of, well, you. But the pain swiftly returned as if summoned, and it nearly turned his legs to lead, threatening to make him collapse.

“You’re hurt more than you want to admit,” you point out, your tone leaving no room for argument. Levi scoffed, but his arm instinctively wraps around his torso when another wave of pain knocked him down to his knees. His breathing turned ragged and beads of sweat rolled down his brow, and yet his arrogant mask stayed on.

“Shut up.”

You sighed and grabbed his arm. Before Levi could offer any protest, you slung his arm over your shoulder and heaved him to his feet, helping his shaky legs slowly make their way back to the infirmary.

“Oi, what on earth do you think you’re doing?!” Levi growled, trying to shove you away. But the wound had sapped his strength away, and you carried on. It was your turn to roll your eyes at his stubbornness.

“Helping you to the infirmary, dumbass,” you mutter. The curse word had slipped past your lips accidentally, but it felt really good to finally return his name-calling. Besides, he was a dumbass if he was hurt so badly and still insisted on walking outside. And for what, to watch cadets train? They do that every day anyway.

Silence stretched on for a moment, before Levi’s rasped out words startle you. “What’s your name, brat?”

“(Y/N) (L/N),” you reply. You strain under his weight, but press on, trying to keep your tone neutral and unaffected. “And yours?”

“Levi,” he answered simply. Levi considered giving his full name, but hesitated.

“Just Levi?” you ask, chuckling.

“Yeah, just Levi.”

“Alright, Just Levi. What shall I call you, Mr. Just or Mr. Levi?”

The joke caught Levi off-guard, but when his mind finally registered it, he let out a low chuckle. You watch in fascination as his stoic mask cracks, his thin lips pulled into a small smile. You smile back, not really realizing you were doing so.

For those few, precious moments, both of you had let your masks slip away.

“Aren’t you graduating in one month? Why are you helping me instead of training?” Levi asked. You shrug, your gaze trained on the floor as your neutral expression slowly but steadily slipped back on.

“As a future soldier, my first priority would be to help humanity, no?” you said. And then your eyes snap to his, the intense fire behind them stunning Levi almost as much as how beautiful they looked. “I am simply doing so.”

“Have you given thought to what regiment you’re joining?”

“Why, are you hoping I’d join yours?” you said, a small grin breaking your guarded expression once more. Levi matched you with a small grin of his own.

“Only if you’re ready to die on the battlefield,” he said. Levi’s gaze turned dark and bitter at the many dark memories that would probably haunt him to his death. “Unlike the other regiments, us Scouts actually come face to face with the Titans on a regular basis. And I would be lying if I say that majority survive.”

“Well, if you were tasked with bringing in new recruits, I’d say you’re terrible at it,” you said. But your joking demeanor turned into grey solemnity, much more grim than what the other young cadets had with their childish hopes of heroism. “But I had always been planning on joining the Survey Corps, so nothing you say can change my mind.”

Levi looked at you in shock, his dark eyes trying to decipher your thoughts. But you had switched out your stoic expression with your mischievous, cheeky mask, and you shoot him a playful grin.

“So I’ll be around to bother you a lot more than I already have, Levi.”

A warmth blossomed within Levi’s chest at the sound of his name on your lips that scared him more than any thought of your future intertwining with his would. “Tch, whatever brat.”

You both stumble into the infirmary, where you quickly dump Levi onto the nearest bed. Your breathing was nearly as ragged as his, and you sighed as you dropped yourself onto a chair. “Why is such a small man so heavy?”

“Did you just call me small?”

Your eyes widened at the deadly tone he used, and you have a feeling that you had accidentally touched on a sensitive subject. “Maybe.”

...

“You’re lucky I’m hurt right now or you’d be dead where you stand,” Levi said. You nervously back away, the dark aura that seemed to surround him striking enough fear to rival that time the Titans invaded Shiganshina. Well, maybe those weren’t very comparable things, but you were definitely too scared to make your usual sharp remark.

“I’ll get you some water,” you said pathetically, shuffling away while trying to convince yourself that you were definitely not running away. No, you were simply a kind and generous person wanting to help a wounded soldier. Yes, that was definitely it.

Levi’s eyes closed as he desperately tried to stay conscious. He didn’t want to just collapse out of pain in front of the brat. He was stronger than that, and he wasn’t even hurt that bad. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

Why does fate seem so determined to make your path cross with his? You were joining the Survey Corps? Why? You seemed capable enough to make into the top ten of your class, and even if you weren’t, why would you choose the most dangerous regiment?

After years and years, Levi could recognize the looks of those that would choose to be a Scout. Their faces were usually young but incredibly determined, with enough to conceal the fear that made them shake deep within. Or they were hero types, those that haven’t seen enough of the world to realize how cruel and horrible it could be. They were usually reckless, willing, and ready to die.

But you, you were neither. Your eyes, laced with sarcastic humor, were hiding something. You weren’t some innocent girl ready to save the world, and you weren’t a clueless child who lived a relatively sheltered life. You weren’t a young cadet, trembling in her boots but brimming with unshakeable dedication.

You were an enigma, and you reminded Levi a bit too much of himself.

“Here.” You handed Levi the glass of water before sitting back down on the wooden chair. Levi took small sips, wishing he could brew a pot of his favorite tea. But he was grateful nonetheless.

“Thank you.”

“Honestly, these nurses are never there when you need them,” you mutter angrily to yourself. You itched to change the bandages that lined his torso, since they were crusted with dry blood. Why? Well, it’s definitely because you just don’t like seeing wounds, and not for any other reason.

“Why are you still here?” Levi asked, his words, though drawled out laced in arrogance, came out much softer than his sharp tongue was accustomed to. It was less of a jibe or accusation, and more of the curiosity that lurked underneath his cold façade.

“Your bandages need to be changed,” you huffed, your eyes scanning the room for any of the nurses. But the room was completely empty save for the two of you.

“And when did you become a medical expert?” Levi asked with a roll of his eyes.

“When you were stumbling around like an idiot even though you’re halfway through death’s door,” you fired back without missing a beat. Levi’s passive expression cracked as he winced, both from the physical pain and the wound you inflicted in his ego. He opened his mouth, about to retort in an equally sharp manner, but found that no sound came out.

For the first time in a long, long time, Levi Ackerman found himself speechless.

“Fine, change them,” he muttered. Your eyes widen, not sure you heard him correctly.

“You want me,” you said, pointing a finger to yourself. “to change your bandages?”

“I know you know how to, it’s basic training,” Levi said with a sigh and a last roll of his eyes. His clear, sharp gaze seemed to look into your soul, trying to decipher your true thoughts. “So hurry up, brat. Before I die.”

“You could ask a bit more nicely, you know,” you huffed angrily, but your hands obediently moved to fetch a fresh roll of bandages and antiseptics to clean the wound. You did know how to change a bandage. Not only was it a part of basic first aid training, but you’ve spent an alarming amount of time helping the wounded.

“You’ll do it anyway, won’t you?”

You pause your preparations for a moment to look at the wounded man. His expression was as arrogant and bored as you had always known it to be. He radiated confidence, and if this man told the world that he was the king, you felt like everyone would believe him far too easily.

“Hold still.”

As you got to work, Levi took his time to observe you. You moved with a fluidity and calmness that rivaled experienced nurses, your hands sure and precise even before the hideous sight that was his wound. But once again, Levi found himself forgetting all about his injuries.

Your usually blank or mischievous expression was screwed into one of concentration, while your hair fell around your face to frame your careful gaze. Whenever Levi winced or flinched away from your touch, you approach much more gently than before.

“Are you sure you weren’t meant to be a nurse or paramedic instead of a soldier?” Levi asked, trying to distract himself from the pain. You smiled a bit, a bitter one.

“It’s just changing bandages,” you said. “And besides, it’s not like I’m good at this by my own choice.”

“You’re far too good at this,” Levi said under his breath, examining your handiwork. The clean bandages felt much better over his newly cleaned wound, and you definitely did a better job than the sour nurse that tended to him the day before.

“Flattery gets you nowhere,” you replied, though you shoot him a mischievous grin.

“It got my bandages changed, at least,” Levi said with a shrug of his shoulders, though that sudden movement made pain shoot through his abdomen. “How are you so—?”

“Well, I better head off before I get into too much trouble. Break time should be over by now,” you cut him off, starting to head out. But a hand shoots out to grab your arm, halting your footsteps. You turn an inquiring gaze to Levi.

What on earth was he thinking, grabbing you like that? Levi barely knew what he wanted to say, or why he stopped you. But once he looked into your pretty eyes, the question leaped from his tongue.

“Do you really not know who I am?”

You raise an eyebrow, a small but genuine smile quirking up the corner of your lips. “Of course I do. You’re Just Levi.”

The door softly shuts behind you, your absence leaving behind a storm of thoughts for Humanity’s Strongest. Levi sighed and slumps back into the sheets of the infirmary bed, closing his eyes to try hush the screams of his emotions and do what he always does. Think logically.

Levi needed to lay out the facts.

One, that you were a trainee bound to graduate in one month.

Two, that you were planning on joining the same regiment as his.

Three, that you had no idea who he was, and that is the only reason you dared speak to him so casually.

Four, that he would like you to continue doing so, as it broke him out of the monotonous routine that is the life of a soldier and not for any other purposes. Yes, Levi can definitely confirm that.

Five, that you grew closer to him faster than anyone ever has in his entire life.

Levi paused, wondering once more why the hell he cared. He does enjoy your company, it was comforting to find someone so, well, similar to him. Though most of his conversations with you were filled with joking insults and sharp sarcasm, he felt your searching gaze.

He wanted to know you past what you showed the world too.

It scared him, how strong this unexplainable desire was. You were magnetic, everything about you drawing him closer and closer. It was absolutely terrifying, especially considering how antisocial he usually was. But his heart and mind were set on it, and Levi knows exactly what happens when both his heart and mind agreed on something.


	3. The Trio of Triple Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter the trio "protagonists" as well as a light sprinkle of tragic backstory.

“Wow! Is that a new record!?”

Your feet nearly stumbled as you lowered yourself down on your ODM, the loud voice such a break away from the usual calm and quiet when you trained by yourself. Your eyes search around. You were deep in the woods, who the hell was there? Did they follow you?

You reached solid ground and saw a boy, much younger than you, beaming up at you with an excited grin.

You turn to address the kid who asked you so, unused to being pulled into a conversation. There was a considerable age gap between you and most of the trainees, so you mostly don’t make friends. The fact that one of them is asking you something (was that admiration in his voice?) caught you by surprise.

“Maybe, I wasn’t counting,” you said. The boy’s bluish-green eyes lit up, as if he wasn’t expecting you to reply.

“I’m Eren Jaeger,” Eren greeted. You nodded politely, offering the boy a small smile to try and seem less intimidating, though it probably wasn’t necessary. Eren had a fearless glint in his eyes, and you feel like he would be someone charging at a Titan with a war cry, not running away from one or standing frozen in fear like most new recruits probably would.

You give him your name. “How did you find me?”

“Well, I wanted to see you train,” Eren admitted sheepishly. “You’re one of the best on the ODM, and I thought I’d learn more from you if I could watch.”

“You shouldn’t sneak around like that,” you said, feeling weird that you’re scolding a fellow cadet. But you can’t help it, not when everyone looked like such, well, children.

“I wouldn’t get caught!” Eren said defiantly.

“Eren!”

Your body tenses like a coiled spring out of instinct, eyes frantically looking for the source of the voice. You don’t particularly know why but your heart is pounding and why adrenaline had started coursing through your veins. But soon after, a dark-haired girl runs out of the bushes, heading straight for Eren with an alarmingly high speed.

Your hand reacts before your mind does, shooting out to grab the girl by her shoulders before she collides with Eren. But the girl was fast, her feet kicking off the ground and burying itself in your gut to knock you backwards. You hastily get up, sweeping your feet across the forest floor to trip the girl and make her lose her balance. It worked, she fell down, but only for a second before she curls her fingers into a fist.

“Stop, Mikasa!” Eren shouted, rushing to the dark-haired girl to hold her back. Mikasa. You know that name. Letting out a sigh of relief, you shakily get up, trying not to wince at the pain in your gut from the force of her kick.

“What the hell were you doing out here? And with her?!” Mikasa asked Eren. Though you two basically just had a short sparring session, she didn’t seem to have broken a sweat. As was expected from the top of your class.

“That her is someone you just kicked in the gut without so much as an apology,” you said archly.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were going to hurt Eren,” Mikasa said, her tone as cold as her passive expression. It eerily reminded you of a certain man, but you shook your head to dispel that thought. Her apology was crap at best, but it will have to do.

“Well, it was a good spar nonetheless,” you said, dusting off your pants as you tried to calm your rapidly beating heart. “Next time, try not to give me a heart attack.”

Mikasa was the one exception. Though the rest looked and acted like kids, Mikasa was obviously so much more. Her skills far exceeded anyone in the class, and most of the army too. She was quiet and serious, spending most of her time shadowing Eren, though you have no idea why.

“Mikasa! Why did you run off without me?”

Your tired body had no more effort to try and get you battle-ready again, so you simply watched as a blonde-haired boy rushed into the clearing. His breathing was ragged from the physical exertion, but his bright blue eyes showed so much relief when he spotted Eren and Mikasa.

That one must be Armin. The golden trio.

“I knew you’d catch up,” Mikasa said easily, throwing Armin a soft smile as an apology. His blue eyes quickly meet yours, widening with shock as if he just realized the three of them weren’t alone.

“What am I now, a babysitter?” you joked, shaking your head at the three teens. “Get back to base before you all get in trouble.”

“What about you?” Eren asked, as if he didn’t really want to leave you just yet. Mikasa shoots you a glare before tugging at Eren’s arm, heading back towards the base.

“I don’t mind trouble,” you said, shooting him a wink and wondering if it would piss off Mikasa even more. Your theory was proven right when Mikasa’s glare turned from cold to scathing and as sharp as daggers in a matter of seconds. A mischievous grin tugged at your lips as you waved Eren goodbye.

Eren whined and tried fighting against Mikasa, but it looked like a kitten trying to fight against a tiger. Mikasa easily dragged him behind her while she chatted with Armin, the latter shooting you an apologetic smile while he talked to Mikasa. The two of them thoroughly ignored Eren, who looked at you like he wanted you to save him. The poor boy.

“Well, I’m glad you don’t mind trouble. You’re in for it.”

“You’re lucky I’m too tired to be surprised, otherwise you’d be punched in the face,” you said without missing a beat. Levi saunters out from behind a tree, an unamused look displayed on his face as he looked at you.

“Tch, your clothes are absolutely filthy,” Levi said. Before you could say anything, he grabs your uninjured hand and starts dragging you back to base. His actions so closely mirrored Mikasa’s, it gave you whiplash. But what occupied your mind more was that _you were holding hands with a guy_!

How long has it been since your last boyfriend, or girlfriend, for that matter? Years and years ago, back when you were as young as Eren or Mikasa. You forgot what it felt like, these small actions of intimacy. The feeling of another, just casually holding onto you. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and suddenly your heart was pounding for a different reason.

“What on earth are you doing?” you growled, annoyance slipping into your voice as you tried to wrench your hand out of his grasp. But Levi held on tight, and kept walking unphased as if you didn’t do anything.

“Taking you back before someone else catches you,” he replied. “And I don’t know how you’re just alright with those clothes. You’re covered in dirt.”

“Well I didn’t know that I’d be spending my afternoon rolling around after being kicked in the gut, otherwise I would have brought something to change into,” you said sarcastically, holding back a wince at the pain that shot through your stomach just as you finished saying so. Levi’s gaze snapped to yours and his feet paused, his sudden movements nearly making you bump into him.

“You were hurt?” he asked. You simply shrugged, once again ignoring the pain that nagged you persistently.

“It’s nothing,” you said, smiling sweetly in a failed attempt to appear more convincing. Levi clearly didn’t believe you.

“Let me see.” His fingers deftly unbuttoned the bottom half of your shirt before you shriek and smack him away. Your eyes widened as you looked at him accusingly, though your glare lost a bit of its edge considering how flustered you were. Levi’s expression was adorably dumbfounded, his brain short-circuiting for a brief moment before the faintest hint of pink started to dot his cheeks.

_Is he blushing?_

“You can’t just start opening a girl’s shirt, you pervert!” you snap, stepping away from Levi. A blush had started to creep it’s way across your face as well despite your best efforts. Levi shook his head frantically. The poor guy was completely clueless in social situations apparently.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I didn’t think—”

“Clearly!” you cut him off, a bit of your embarrassment fading away into amusement when you saw Levi stumble around frantically, trying to find his words. A bit of pity tried to touch your heart, but the rest of your embarrassment unluckily forced you to be a bit more defensive than you usually were.

“Just let me check,” Levi said exasperatedly, giving up with trying to explain his previous actions. He had never been good with words regardless, so he was sure that whatever he said would only make things worse. Honestly, it had been instinctual, as if you both had known each other your whole lives and checking your stomach for a wound was the most natural thing in the world for him to do. It terrified him, but he couldn’t deny how comfortable he felt around you. How were you breaking down his walls this easily?

“I said it’s fine,” you snap once more. Levi sighed when he realized how stubborn you wanted to be. He had seen your careful movements and small, suppressed grimaces, your hand twitching to hold your stomach. He would need to confront Mikasa later for attacking you, just the thought made his blood boil. Stupid brat.

But for now, he needed to assess the damage.

Levi gently pried your fingers away from where they were clutching your midriff, his movements slow and deliberate to show you he wasn’t going to try anything. His stormy grey eyes met yours before they flitted down to your shirt, which he lifted just barely so he could see your stomach.

You don’t exactly have anything to be ashamed of. Your abdomen was toned from the several years of training, the skin smooth and slightly paler than the rest of your body. But the feel of Levi’s cool fingers brushing against your skin made all kinds of thoughts run through your mind. Sparks seemed to fly wherever he touched you, and you felt as if his fingers were a brand that seared its mark onto your skin. Breaking your concentration though, was a quickly forming bruise the color of rotting plums, spreading across your skin like a disease.

Levi touched the bruise with a poke of his fingers, making you hiss with pain while you tried to remain expressionless. Immediately, he jerked back, scared to touch you again and cause you more pain. He gave you an apologetic smile, but you barely even notice. You lower back your shirt, giving him a shaky recreation of your usual mischievous grin.

“See? I’m fine, it’s just a bruise.”

“ _Just_ a bruise?” Levi asked incredulously, rolling his eyes and pulling you along, his strides wider and faster as you struggled to keep up. He was hurrying back for some reason unknown to you, and every move sent bolts of pain shooting through your body. Not that you were going to admit that though. But surely he isn’t worried? As a soldier he must have seen much worse on the battlefield. It really was just a bruise, you were planning on just sticking an ice cube on it before going back to training.

“Slow down! You’re wounded too!” you said, pulling on his hand to try and get him to pause. Levi let out a growl of annoyance as his face twisted into a scowl. An emotion started to overpower the physical pain you felt. Is this fear? Oh no, did you just upset him?

“Stop fighting me and get your ass to the infirmary,” Levi snapped. Your brows knitted together as you glared at him, fighting against your instinct to just say yes and avoid a fight.

“Wha-? Why do I need to go to the infirmary?!” you snapped back, your previous emotions mashing together to light your fiery rage. Why is this guy just dragging you around?! You can’t just let him do that! You need to keep training, and he’s the one that’s supposed to be in the infirmary. Not you!

“Because you keep getting hurt, brat!” Levi tried to force his anger down. He just wished that you would let him take care of you, help you. As you helped him yesterday. Why were you being so damn stubborn? Just the thought of you in pain almost made him feel pain. God, why did he have to care?! _This is what I get for trying to be a kind, sociable person_ , Levi thought bitterly. _Never again._

“Brat?! Let go of me, shorty! I’m fine!”

You could have sworn that as soon as those words escaped your lips, your life flashed before your eyes. You did _not_ just call him—

Levi’s glare darkened and his stance turned rigid. He almost seemed to loom over you. Your eyes closed and you flinch, waiting for the argument to escalate into a screaming match and for the inevitable violence that follows. You had a feeling that if Levi wanted to kill you or beat you to the last inch of your life, he could do so very easily. Goodbye cruel world…

One second. Then two.

“Did you think I was going to hit you?” The calmness of his voice shocked you out of your tense state, your eyes snapping open and your expression forced back behind your mask. You could feel yourself withdrawing, building back wall after wall after wall, stronger than any Titan or human. You meet his grey eyes for a split second before looking away, anywhere else besides the hurt and pity that lurked behind his stupidly handsome face.

“No,” you said. You tried to say more, but no words come out. Instead, you pressed your lips into a thin line and kept your expression as impassive and neutral as possible. You couldn’t do much more, it was like your mind had gone into autopilot. And everything inside you screamed at you to get your defenses up. To tread carefully, to make sure no one gets in ever again. Levi looked at you with concern, his scowl fading before falling away completely.

“Come on,” Levi said softly. “If you won’t get your bruise checked, at least accompany me back to the infirmary.”

“I need to go,” you muttered hastily. But Levi held onto your hand. It felt so warm, so right. It fits perfectly in yours as if you were made to hold each other. His fingers hook under your chin to lift your eyes to meet his. You resisted the urge to flinch away, forcing yourself to steadily meet his gaze. To convince him you were fine, that what he saw was a mistake. His usually cold, harsh grey eyes were soft as liquid silver and warmer than a summer night. Though his expression could pass for bored, you knew better than to think that was all he felt when you looked right into his eyes.

“Come with me,” Levi said. He paused, hesitating for a moment. “Please.”

You guiltily look away, breaking the connection that the eye contact had given you. But you sigh, nodding your head slightly. It felt like he was asking so much more. It felt like he was asking you to come back, to let down your walls once more. To trust him, and let him help you. But you made that mistake once, and you weren’t making it again. This time, instead of dragging you along, Levi waited for you to catch up and walked alongside you, his hand loosely grasping yours.

“If you’re going to ask,” you said, unconsciously squeezing his hand. “Please don’t.”

You expected more. You thought he was going to demand it, or order you to tell him what caused such a reaction. Surely it would have been important if it could ever affect your performance as a soldier. Or at the very least, you thought he was going to try and subtly pry more out of you. But Levi simply nods and squeezes your hand back. “Alright.”

Levi tried to stop thinking about your expression as he walked you to the infirmary. Your face had fallen from annoyed and enraged to haunted, the look in your eyes something straight out of his nightmares. Levi had seen fear before. He had seen it in the eyes of every new recruit when they went beyond the wall for the first time, when they faced death right in the face and saw it take their friends. He had seen it freeze their bodies, he had seen it kill. But the fear in your eyes was something different.

Though your body remained breathing, that fear left you lifeless.

He didn’t know what it was, and though he desperately wanted to ask you, he would do anything to keep that haunted look away from your beautiful eyes. Those eyes deserved laughter and courage, determination and love. Not that bone-chilling fear that seemed rooted in your soul.

“Hey, tree hugger.”

Levi’s tone was the softest you had ever heard it to be. You look at him, keeping your expression a stony mask as you regarded him. He matched it with his own mask, but his eyes told you all you needed to know. He cared, and he wanted to help.

“What?” you said, turning away from his pleading eyes. You couldn’t bear to look at them for too long, knowing he would find a way to sneak past your walls once more.

“Try not to get hurt again,” Levi said. He hesitated a bit before adding, “Please.”

“Why do you care?” Your words were harsh, but you unconsciously softened your tone. You were emotionally exhausted, and being angry was so draining. Your anger had long since left you, especially when you felt his presence, right there beside you. Still, instead of being a fiery ball of rage, you settled with being icy cold.

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt,” Levi said simply. He didn’t mean to put that much emphasis on the word _you_. The question you fired at him had been in his head since the first time he met you, and this whole time, he thought he didn’t know the answer to it. But he did.

“Why?” you rasped out, feeling your hastily rebuilt walls breaking down once more.

“Whatever happened in your past that made you react like you just did, know that it doesn’t shape who you are,” Levi said. He paused and grabbed your shoulders. You tensed at his touch, but he was gentle as ever. “If you decide it as so, it doesn’t need to matter. You can leave it behind, and be Just (Y/N).”

You smile a bit, and Levi smiles back, looking deep into your eyes. “But if you think you need help, well, I have nothing better to do.”

“Shut up,” you said, turning away. But you couldn’t hide your smile, and Levi clearly saw it before you manage to wipe it away. He wanted to see you smile like that again. Again and again, for the rest of your life. He didn’t know how he’ll make that happen, but he swore then and there that he’d make you smile again.

“Now quit sulking and hurry up,” Levi said, grabbing your hand once more. You roll your eyes but comply nonetheless, feeling slightly closer to the mysterious man holding your hand. You didn’t let go of each other at all as you made your way back, and if only the world was kinder, you would have never let each other go until the end of time.


	4. The Past That Makes Up Your Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst, all in one! You find yourself growing inevitably growing closer to Levi once you tell the idiot that you know who he actually is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW ;; Mentions of abuse and trauma

“Levi, what are you staring at?”

Levi glanced at Hange, who sat beside him at the long tables that served as their dinner table. He glared at her, slightly embarrassed to be caught staring at you. But he kept his expression annoyed, hoping one of his oldest friend wouldn’t see through his mask.

“The wall,” he replied curtly. Hange pouted, her intelligent eyes following his gaze and finding a table full of female cadets. A cheeky grin tugged at her lips as mischievous plans started to fill her head.

“Anyone strike your fancy?” Hange teased, poking Levi’s arm before he swats her away. His silence was all she needed. “Who is it? Don’t tell me it’s one of those new ones, they’re too young, you old man!”

“Shut up, Shitty Glasses” Levi growled. He could feel a blush coming and fought it back with everything he had, trying his damnedest to keep his eyes from straying to where they wanted to go.

Back to you.

“Hm, let me take a guess.” Hange scanned over the table, filled mostly with teenage girls chattering away before their stale dinner. For a while, she couldn’t spot anyone out of the ordinary. Until a boy approached one of the girls, his bluish green eyes bright as he took a seat beside her.

Levi’s fingers clenched into a fist when he saw Eren sitting next to you. So casually, so naturally. And you both started conversing so easily, as if you were old friends having a drink in a bar, reminiscing about the past. How could he do it so easily when Levi needed so much courage just to look at you? That stupid brat!

Hange watched her friend’s reaction that he so desperately tried to hide with a smirk of amusement. So that’s the girl? Now that she thought about it, you did sound like someone who would catch Levi’s attention. At least, from what she heard. You reminded her of Levi himself from the stories that the instructors told of you. And at least you weren’t underage.

“It’s her isn’t it?” Hange whispered into Levi’s ear. Levi stiffened, knowing exactly who Hange was talking about and also knowing she was completely right. His eyes stayed pointedly fixed on the floor, refusing to acknowledge Hange’s words. Maybe she’d go away if he pretended she didn’t exist.

Without any warning, Hange strode over to where you were sitting and chatting with Eren. Levi’s eyes widened in panic, knowing Hange was up to no good. But he couldn’t stand up and stop her now, he’d attract too much attention. All he could do was suffer in silence, vowing revenge on that stupid, meddlesome Titan-obsessed scientist. The two of you didn’t notice her approaching until she was right next to you, too engrossed in your conversation.

“If you fold your legs in, you might be able to go faster actually. Because there would be less air resistance,” you explained to Eren. The boy was completely enraptured, hanging onto your words like you were a god. Honestly, you hadn’t expected Eren to actually seek you out. Or at the very least, you didn’t think Mikasa would let him. But when he started to excitedly chatter about training and asked about some tips for using the ODM, you didn’t have the heart to just ignore him or send him away.

“Wouldn’t it be harder to keep your balance for maneuvers though?” Eren asked.

“Hello there, I’m Hange Zӧe,” Hange greeted cheerfully, taking your hand and shaking it once. You blinked once as your mind struggled to catch up. The sudden cut from your previous conversation plunged you into complete confusion, but you replied to her politely regardless.

“I’m (Y/N) (L/N),” you said. Eren seemed just as confused as you, but Hange paid him no mind. Her bright gaze stayed fixed on you, and you detected hints of mischief mixed with inklings of brilliance.

“Would you like to come and sit at my table?” Hange asked. The question took you by surprise. Hange was clearly not one of the cadets, you had never seen her training or anything like that. She was also clearly older, and had the same battle-hardened vibe that Levi had, though it was admittedly much more muted.

“I was in the middle of a conversa—”

“Oh don’t be shy! Come on!” Hange grabbed your arm and pulled you up, dragging you away from poor Eren. You were frankly too shocked to even try resist. Levi watched in complete embarrassment at the actions of his friend, feeling quite sorry for you, though he was happy that you were away from Eren. At least Hange did one good thing.

Erwin was off in some meeting with most of the other captains, leaving the table empty besides Levi, excluded from the meeting because of his injury, and Hange, with the reason of keeping him company. Levi didn’t know why that would be anywhere near a valid excuse, and he started to regret not insisting harder that he didn’t need a babysitter.

Your eyes widened when you realize where Hange is taking you, and you briefly consider running away. But it was too late to back out now, Levi’s eyes had locked with yours, and somehow you both knew you were in for a troublesome, exhausting night.

“I assume you two have met before?” Hange chirped cheerfully, pushing you into the seat across from Levi before taking the one beside you for herself. You try your best not to stare at him, feeling slightly awkward after what happened earlier that day.

“Yes, we have,” you mumbled. Hange raised an eyebrow and shot a pointed look at Levi, but like you, he kept his gaze away from both you and Hange. It looks like you two need a bit of pushing.

“Well, why are you two so quiet then?” Hange asked, slinging an arm around you and pulling you close. Your body stiffened up as you awkwardly let Hange hold you tight, fighting the blush that involuntarily crept up your cheeks.

“Because little Miss Tree Hugger is supposed to be in trouble right now,” Levi drawled, smirking arrogantly in a valiant attempt to act like how he always had so far. Your blush was so cute, it made _him_ feel like blushing, though Hange would never let him forget it if he did. You shoot him a glare before grinning mischievously, sending a wave of relief over Levi when he saw no trace of that haunting fear from earlier.

“Why don’t you go tattle on me then, shorty?” you said, an eyebrow raised as a challenge. Levi took a sip of his tea, shrugging nonchalantly as he discreetly broke eye contact. He knew you would see right through him if you looked long enough.

“Call me that again, I dare you, brat,” Levi said, feigning annoyance. Your grin widened as you lean forward on the table, capturing his gaze once more with yours. His stormy grey eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, something you did not miss.

“Shorty.”

“Idiot.”

“Masochist.”

“Br— What the fuck?!”

You burst out laughing at the way Levi’s pale face turned bright red in a matter of seconds. He sputtered out sounds in a pitiful attempt at words, which did not help when you tried to control your laughter. Hange watched contently as her usually stoic friend stumbled around in his embarrassment, joining you in your laughter when Levi shot her the darkest glare he could muster while being essentially a tomato.

“No denial?” you teased. Levi turned his glare on you, but you all knew it was half-hearted. He loved seeing your smile, for a moment so wide and carefree. Though it was at his expense, he wouldn’t mind if it made you throw your head back in laughter.

“Shut up,” Levi said, his tongue already giving up on trying to find better words.

Hange smirked and nudged your shoulder, stage-whispering dramatically while shooting a familiar mischievous grin towards Levi. “Did you know? Levi used to—”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH, SHITTY GLASSES!”

The whole table burst into laughter again, but by then you were all starting to gain the attention of the room. The table usually reserved for higher-ranking officials was somehow filled with raucous laughter, and the oddity was enough to make everyone discreetly turn their stares to you.

For one, there was a trainee sitting with a Section Commander and the famed Captain Levi. Second, you were all laughing together like you were old friends. And finally, this was you. The anti-social girl that made no friends, cold as ice yet fiery with unmatched anger once someone has ignited your rage. You were smiling and laughing with _the_ Levi Ackerman, who no one has seen smile in their entire existence until that night.

“Well, at least I know Shorty is in good hands,” Hange said once the laughter died down. She winked at Levi, who once again resorted to pretending she didn’t exist. You look at Hange in confusion.

“What do you mean?” you asked. Hange shrugs and you turn to Levi, who is sipping his tea while studiously avoiding your questioning gaze. Hange nudged her friend, her grin widening, before standing up and stretching, letting out a wide yawn. Her bright eyes sparkle once more with mischief when she turns to you.

“Can you get Shorty back to the infirmary to change his bandages? I’m supposed to do that but Erwin wanted me in his office right after dinner,” Hange said, patting your shoulder. Stunned, all you could do was nod your agreement.

_She’s kind of cute._

“Hey! You can’t make her do your job!” Levi protested. What on earth was the point of Hange staying behind from the meeting if all she did was tease the hell out of him?! And more time alone with you? What if it became really awkward, or he argued with you again? Why did he have to be so bad at social situations?

“You don’t mind, do you (Y/N)?” Hange turned to you. You force yourself not to stutter, which was harder than you thought it would be.

“Of course not,” you said politely.

“Then it’s settled, thank you! I’ll make it up to you sometime,” Hange said. You chuckle, a part of you slowly warming up to Hange despite your previous resolution to build back up your walls. It’s been a while since you had a genuine, close friend, and you forgot how nice it felt. Though Hange was probably more of an acquaintance at the moment, you can’t help but hope.

You get up, starting to walk away when you realize Levi is still rooted to his seat. Turning back, you shoot him a look with a raised eyebrow. “Well, how long do you want to sit there and look stupid?”

“You have some nerve talking like that,” Levi said, his tone back to bored and cocky. You roll your eyes, your hand shooting out to grab Levi’s as you drag him out. His lips quirked into a small grin as he lets you pull him along, the door to the dining room clicking shut behind you.

Eren turned to Mikasa, the latter staring hard at the now-closed door. The room was nearly silent, everyone still in complete shock over what just happened. Slowly though, as the seconds ticked by, the room dissolved back into excited chatter, as bets were placed on how long it would take the two of you to finally realize what was happening with your relationship.

Mikasa’s lips were pulled into a grim line. _At least she’ll be staying away from Eren._

“I really don’t need a babysitter,” Levi muttered under his breath, still pissed at Hange for putting him in such a hard spot. He didn’t like the idea of burdening you, which made him even angrier at Hange. Unfortunately, your ears caught his words and all previous warmth shattered back into the cold, blank mask that was your armor. Your body stiffened and you shoot him a cool glare.

“Then I’ll be going,” you said resolutely, taking one step back towards the dining room. But before you could take another, a warm hand gently closes around your wrist, keeping you in place. A stubborn part of you wanted to keep walking, but the rest of you found yourself rooted to your spot. The tension coiled in your body slowly faded away as your anger melted in his presence. It left you confused, but you don’t ever want it to end.

“Please don’t,” Levi said, his voice barely a whisper. But this time, he knew you heard him. Slowly, his fingers slid into your hand, grasping it tightly. There was that feeling again, that magnetism to touch you and hold you close. His fingers ached to run across every inch of you. The rough callouses and faded scar marks. The smoothness of your skin and the folds of your curves. He wanted it all.

But he can’t scare you away now.

“Well come on, we don’t have all night,” you said, breaking Levi from his thoughts. You try for a small grin to defuse the weird awkward tension, but even that held your signature hint of mischief. “With your luck, you’d get hit by a stray table and die.”

Levi chuckled as you both started walking, feeling oddly at peace. For the first time in a while, he lets his senses die down from their constant state of vigilance. His eyes had stopped subconsciously scanning the environment for any sign of movement, and his ears slowly dulled, until all he saw and heard was you. You were his safety, you were his home. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Everything is moving so fast, and yet time seems to have stopped.

“Sit down and don’t die while I find some bandages,” you instructed to Levi, pushing him down onto one of the cots. Levi did so obediently, but he showed his arrogant smirk that promised taunting as he did.

“Aren’t you supposed to find a nurse, brat? Can’t keep your hands off me?” Levi teased, not knowing how else he could converse with you. Luckily, you are now quite aware of that fact, so you simply chuckled, paying no heed to the seemingly sharp arrogance behind his words.

“You wish, asshole,” you shot back, leaving to find medical supplies.

You came back and once more, with practiced hands, changed his bandages. But this time, instead of simply lifting his shirt, Levi took the whole thing off. His actions were once again instinctual, and once he had done it, he felt a strong urge to blush. He wasn’t ashamed of his body, it was toned and muscled as a soldier’s should be, but wasn’t this a bit too, well… intimate?

Despite Levi’s quietly flustered state, you remain blissfully oblivious. Your eyes simply glance at his body before you peel back the old bandages, fighting a grimace when you’re treated to the sight of the bloody wound once again. It was healing, thankfully, and looked a bit better than the last time you had seen it. Still, it was a miracle Levi could walk around without wincing in pain every few seconds.

The silence grew a bit too thick for comfort, and you quickly sensed it. “What’s your rank in the Survey Corps?”

Levi felt his heart stop for just a split second. _Oh shit, I don’t want to tell her. Not yet. Fuck, what do I do now? What if things grow even more awkward or she gets scared of me?_

You watch in amusement as you waited for an answer, the debate in Levi’s mind hidden away by his bored expression. But you saw his conflicted gaze and stifled a smile.

“I’m just a soldier,” Levi said, not wanting to outright lie but not really wanting to give out the full truth either. You tilted your head, pausing your work to look him in the eyes.

“Are you in a squad? Hange’s squad, maybe?” you prodded, watching for his reaction. Levi fidgets under your stare, knowing you’d catch his lie if he went too far. So he simply shakes his head, trying to seem as uncaring as possible.

“No, not Hange’s squad.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re terrible at conversation,” you said, suppressing the smile that once again threatened to show on your face. “What kind of half-assed answers are those?”

“Shut up, brat,” Levi grunted, flinching when your fingers accidentally press too hard on his wound. You mutter an apology, working a bit more gently this time. When it was certain that Levi wouldn’t say anything more, you sighed.

You took his hand, immediately catching his attention. You look into Levi’s stormy grey eyes, shocked and slightly flustered. And then you smile. “I know you’re Captain Levi Ackerman. Do you think I’m some sort of idiot? No wait, scratch that. You definitely do.”

This time, Levi couldn’t even fight the blush that rose to his cheeks. Everything in his usually sharp and quick mind vanished into a puff of smoke. The words that were always ready on his tongue turned to dust, leaving him completely and utterly speechless. “How—”

“You’re the most famous Scout and Humanity’s Strongest,” you deadpanned. “I didn’t recognize you at first, but everyone has done nothing except gossip about you.”

Levi tried to seem angry in a valiant attempt to not stutter. “Then why the fuck are you talking to me and treating me like I’m just a trainee or a low-ranking soldier?!”

You managed to not flinch and tried to appear unphased with his raised voice and defensive tone. It was your turn to look at him confusion, grasping his hand tighter. “Because you’re my friend.”

For the second time in the space of a minute, Levi was left speechless. “You consider me a friend?”

“Ouch.” You grin, but inside you were panicking. _Why did I say that? What if he doesn’t see me as a friend? What if I really am just some annoying, disrespectful trainee to him? Oh no, I made Levi Ackerman angry._ Really _angry._

You felt him lean in close, but you kept your gaze on his almost fully bandaged wound. Your heart is beating a mile a minute, and you could barely concentrate on what your fingers were doing. You grit your teeth and close your eyes, body tense and prepared for the worse. _If he hits you, just take one punch and then run—_

Levi wraps his arms around you, pulling you flush against him.

_What?_

“You really don’t mind having me as a friend?” Levi asked, a bit unsure. It felt entirely foreign to be so insecure about himself, but he hadn’t made a friend in ages. There was no time for forming close, genuine bonds when he had to handle so much for his job. The closest he had to friends were Hange and Erwin, but even with them, he hadn’t felt such a deep connection as he did with you.

“O-Of course not…” You blushed a deep, deep red, not at all expecting to have Levi so close to you. You could feel him let out a relieved sigh as he pulled you impossibly closer, your hands pressed against his chest before moving to embrace him back. You hear his heartbeat, as fast as yours, as he tucks your head under his chin.

“Good.”

Reluctantly, you pull away. Your body was still in a bit of shock, but your mind quickly got over its flustered state. “I still need to finish bandaging you.”

Levi lets you go sheepishly, avoiding your gaze as he blushed as bright as you. Whenever he was around you, he stopped thinking and just started _doing_. Whatever his heart told him to do, his body followed. Whether it was holding your hand or hugging you close, he just did so. And though he was a man of action, he did not think it would apply in this kind of situation.

But that haunted look was back again. Your eyes turned into a slate of stoic cold for only a moment before you look away, in an attempt to hide your fear. Your tense body was bracing for a hit, and Levi saw you coil in preparation to make an escape. It pained him, and he couldn’t really blame himself for hugging you when he saw you so afraid.

“You’re lucky you didn’t talk the way you did to me to Erwin,” Levi said, breaking the silence and trying to take his thoughts away from the image of your expression just moments prior. Your mind was unfortunately still sluggish after Levi’s unexpected actions, and all that came out of your mouth sounded very (adorably) flustered.

“I wouldn’t talk to Commander Erwin like that!” you said, not even wanting to imagine the kind of trouble you’d get for insulting the Commander of the Scout Regiment.

“Too bad, I would’ve paid good money to see his face when you call him a masochist.” Levi smirked mischievously when you turn to glare at him, your fiery temper flaring up in a sort of defense mechanism.

“I’m not suicidal, you fucking masochist!” you sputtered, accidentally wrapping Levi’s bandages a bit too tightly. He lightly smacked your hand away, glaring back at you.

“Hey! Be careful brat!”

“You can’t say shit like that and expect to get away with it!”

“I’m Captain Levi, I can say whatever I want!”

“So what?!”

“So shut up!”

Unable to control yourself any longer, you burst out laughing, tears pricking the corner of your eyes. Slowly, Levi’s fabricated anger melts away into genuine happiness as he chuckles alongside you. He watched you laugh, savoring the wide smile that split across your beautiful face. It was magical, you were magical. You were a spark of flame within a dying, harsh world. You were a splash of color on a grim, monochrome painting. And he was addicted.

“Can I ask you a question?” Levi asked once you managed to compose yourself. A soft, radiant smile stayed though, along with a sparkle in your bright eyes. It was a far cry from the scared look you showed before, and the sight of it was enough to keep him smiling too.

“Sir, yes sir,” you said with a mock salute.

“Shut up,” Levi muttered, still unable to wipe the goofy smile off his face. It made him look adorable, and you couldn’t tear your eyes off him. The serious, intense Levi, smiling just for you. It made him look years younger, softening his battle-hardened edges.

“Then ask, you dork,” you teased.

“I know I’m probably overstepping boundaries, and I’m barely your friend—”

“Spit it out!”

Levi gives you one last, apologetic and bittersweet smile. “Why do you keep tensing up, thinking I’ll hit you?”

That question was the last you expected would come out of him at that moment. Sure, you knew Levi noticed your instinctual reactions, someone as perceptive as he was would have picked up on it sooner or later. And you know he was at least slightly concerned and curious. But in the glow and warmth of the moment, you didn’t know how fast the atmosphere could shatter until it did.

“It’s just my reflexes, I’m a paranoid type of person,” you said, your smile feeling slightly forced. Levi definitely picked up on that, and he pulled on your hand so you sat right in front of him. He kept your eyes on his, pleading with his gaze. You steadily met his gaze, pleading with your own. What you were pleading for, you weren’t quite sure. A part of you wanted him to just let your past die, and another wanted him to figure you out so you wouldn’t have to shoulder your burden alone.

“I know what trauma looks like, (Y/N),” Levi whispered. Your breath caught in your throat as you tried to pull away, but his hands raised to gently cup your cheek. You could run, you know he wouldn’t stop you. But you were tired of running. You were tired of everything.

“I wish you didn’t,” you said softly, dropping your gaze while leaning into his touch. You took a deep breath, before solidifying your resolve.

“He wasn’t the best boyfriend, is all,” you said in a shaky, rushed tone. All the courage that had just flooded your heart was gone in an instant as you forced your mind to try and remember what happened. “It was okay at first, really it was. And then he started saying stuff about me, which I probably should have ignored. And I tried to confront him but he, he didn’t like that. I should’ve stopped. But I was weak, and I should’ve just let him punch me—”

Your voice gave out. A sob threatened to wrack through your now trembling body. Every old and faded bruise seemed to come alive right at that moment, begging from underneath your skin to be noticed and healed. It made you shudder, your body collapsing onto the cot and into Levi’s arms as you desperately held back the flood of tears that pleaded to be let out. He held you tight, immediately regretting his decision to ask.

“Oh (Y/N), I can hear you blaming yourself. Though I don’t know the full story, I can tell for a fact that none of it was your fault,” Levi said, patting your back and trying his absolute best to comfort you. He was clearly inexperienced in that area, so he stopped thinking and just said what came to mind. “You can cry, if you need to. I’m sorry I asked.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you sobbed. Tears streamed down your cheeks, turning your eyes into puffy, red messes. You figured you probably looked terrible, in front of the only person you cared for. But the tears wouldn’t stop, and your head had started pounding.

“Don’t be. Please, don’t be sorry…”

Who was this man that had caused you so much pain? That had put fear in your fiery, passionate gaze? A wave of anger started to take over Levi’s body, one he tried desperately to calm down so he wouldn’t scare you away.

You feel a numb starting to take over. Everything suddenly felt detached, as if you were merely a spectator watching yourself breakdown in the arms of Levi Ackerman. A part of it terrified you, but a spectator can’t do anything except watch as the words slipped emotionlessly out of your mouth.

“He’s dead though, so I don’t know why I’m still scared,” you said. You see Levi about to respond and cut him off before he could. “And don’t say you’re sorry for my loss or whatever bullshit condolences people usually give me. I don’t want to mourn his death.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through what you did, if not for your loss,” Levi muttered. He pulls back from the embrace to watch your tear-stricken face, wiping some of the tears away with the pad of his thumb. Everything felt wrong with the world when you lost the mischief in your eyes.

“I know I’m supposed to be sad he’s gone, or angry. Something, anything,” you said quietly. “But all I feel is… relief.”

You had kept that thought to yourself for all the years you had spent after the life-changing tragedy. It was buried in the deepest, darkest part of your heart, where you refused to think about it or acknowledge it. It made you feel like a heartless demon. The guilt ate away at your soul, bit by bit, and you knew that if you had kept it for any longer, it would turn you into an emotionless husk. He died, he was slaughtered and eaten alive. What kind of person does that make you if you’re happy he’s gone?

Fresh tears ran down your face once more. “I’m a monster, aren’t I?”

“I’m not really someone who can judge,” Levi said, pausing to try and gather his thoughts before he continued. “But all I know is that you’re here now. And the person I know isn’t a monster, you’re someone who has been through hell and survived, stronger than you ever were. It isn’t your fault he died. Please believe that.”

“I can’t. I can’t believe that, how can I?”

You watched it all unfold. You felt like you had no say, your heart had taken control of your mouth and body, and it cried out all of the pain it could no longer bear alone. But as you watched yourself pathetically hold back more sobs, Levi swept in close to brush his lips against your forehead.

All of your feelings returned in an instant, as if they had never left. And everything hurts, it all hurts so bad. But Levi was there, to offer you whatever support he can give. For a few moments, small infinities, it felt like enough.

“Trust me.”

You close your eyes, letting yourself savor the moment for a few more seconds.

“I need to go, it’s way past curfew,” you said, pulling away. Your voice was scratchy from all the crying you just did, but you pretended to not notice. You turn to look at Levi and are greeted with the sight of hints of hurt swirling within his steely grey eyes. You smile, small but genuine. “Thank you, for everything. And I promise I’ll tell you the full story someday, if we both don’t die first.”

“As I said, I have nothing better to do. No rush,” Levi said, throwing his gaze away in an attempt to hide his blush. You chuckle a bit.

“If you’re as stubborn about that injury tomorrow as you are today, would you like to train on the ODM gear together? I’d like to learn from the great and mighty Levi Ackerman himself,” you teased, your grin now back with your signature hints of mischief, though your tone stayed raw from emotional exhaustion. Despite everything, Levi found himself smiling too.

“Shut up, brat,” Levi said, still avoiding your eyes. “But sure, if you want to.”

“Then it’s a date!” you blurt out. You run to the door before Levi can see your blush, feeling lighter than air after all the weight of your emotional baggage had been thrown out. “Bye.”

The door softly clicked shut behind you, leaving both you and Levi in a whirlwind of conflicting emotion. You’re left in utter disbelief that you just fucking _broke down sobbing_ in front of Levi, when you hadn’t shed a single tear since the first month your ex-boyfriend—

You were mortified, ashamed. Insecure. What if he thought you were weaker now? What if he gets sick of you and leaves you all alone again? What if…

No, you refuse to dwell on what if’s. You were absolutely tired and had no more thinking capacity available. You were simply going to train together tomorrow. And what happens will happen.

_I want to regret telling him but somehow, I don’t. Do I… trust him?_

Levi can’t believe the roller coaster of emotions you just took him on. Amidst the swirls of dark, desaturated anxiety were glowing rays of bright hope and shy happiness. He wanted to get closer to you, he wanted to be there to protect you from all the cruelty of the world. He couldn’t have been there for your past, but he would devote the rest of his pitiful life to shield you and finally make you happy.

Training tomorrow was either going to be extremely awkward or the beginning of something terrifyingly special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like this chapter? It's my least favorite one so far ngl.  
> By the way, if anyone has any good levi x reader fic recommendations, please comment them and help a fellow simp out.


	5. The Runt's Wake-Up Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning training session commences with the presence of a pesky third-wheeler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm posting a lot but it's mostly because I've written and edited most of these already. Once I run out, I'll probably update much slower. Apologies in advance, and I hope you enjoy!

“(Y/N)! Good morning!”

You rubbed at your sleepy eyes, fighting a yawn that threatened to claw its way out of you. Your mind briefly registered the voice and, after a few sluggish seconds, finally matched it to its owner.

“Oh, Eren. Morning.”

“I didn’t think you’d be here this early! What are you doing?”

“Training.”

Eren’s cheerful, energetic voice made you feel much more tired in comparison. You definitely hadn’t slept well, since a good night’s rest is more of a pipe dream to you and a certain captain did not make things easier. But you knew Levi liked practicing at dawn, and so you forced yourself up earlier than usual.

“Oh, can I join you?” Eren asked. You turn to peer at him through your sleepy gaze.

He definitely was more of a morning person than you were. His clothes and hair were neat, his eyes wide awake and shining with enthusiasm. Frankly, you didn’t feel like you had the energy to deal with the early bird, but you once again didn’t have the heart to say no.

“I mean, sure if he agrees,” you said, grinning sheepishly.

“He? Who else are you training with?” Eren asked, tilting his head to one side.

“Oi, tree hugger! Hurry up already.” Speak of the devil.

Levi came out of one of the sheds that housed the ODM gear, fully prepped and ready. You focused on keeping your breathing steady, but your heart rebelliously skipped a beat when your eyes landed on him. Had he always been this handsome and you never realized it? Oh boy, this is going to be one long morning.

“Morning, masochist,” you said with a yawn, your tone disinterested but your smirk entirely mischievous. Levi shot you a glare, crossing his arms over his chest. He somehow felt a bit taller after doing so.

“What took you so long? Did another tree attack you again?” Levi said asked, his tone laced with sarcastic concern, pressing his piercing gaze on your expression to try and figure out if you were okay after last night. It seemed so, perhaps he’d just forget about it until you were ready to talk about it again.

You shrugged, walking closer to him. “No, I was just making sure you didn’t fall out of one,” you said, your expression breaking into an amused one. Levi rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips lifted slightly into a small, genuine smile.

“Captain Levi, good morning sir!”

Eren’s voice startled you so much, you nearly jumped. Once you saw Levi, you had completely forgotten about everything else around you, including one very shocked boy who had been watching your casual exchange.

“Morning, cadet,” Levi answered coldly with a raised eyebrow, he too just realizing that the both of you weren’t alone. Levi immediately recognized Eren Jaeger as the boy you were in the forest with, as well as the one that talked to you during dinner.

“Eren wants to join our training, if you don’t mind,” you said. Levi’s eyes turned briefly to yours, wanting to say no but hesitating when he saw the hidden hope in your gaze. You watch as his expression briefly soured before he barely nodded.

“Only if you can keep up, brat,” Levi said to Eren. You winced inside, feeling slightly bad for the poor boy considering he looked pretty nervous. But you offered him an encouraging grin, which seemed to motivate him enough.

“Yes sir!”

“Gear up,” Levi ordered. You give him a mock salute mirroring Eren’s real one, which sends another small smile onto Levi’s face, as if you had just shared an inside joke.

As Levi watched you leave to find your ODM gear with Eren, he can’t help but feel a pinch of disappointment. He thought it would be just the two of you. He wanted to let his guard down and find himself comfortable in your presence. Maybe even get close enough to you for you to finish telling him all your worries.

But that stupid brat is going to ruin everything.

You weren’t into younger guys, right? Levi refused to consider that possibility.

Eren seemed utterly star-struck as you both started pulling on the heavy gear. He wouldn’t stop chattering away, which you tuned out as pleasant background noise to keep the pesky dark thoughts away.

“That was actually Captain Levi!” Eren exclaimed. You shook your head, an amused grin on your lips as you watched him. “The strongest Scout, no, the strongest human! How do you know each other so well?!”

You shrugged. “It’s a long story.”

“I’m so jealous… Hey, wait for me!”

You chuckle a bit, striding back out to where Levi is waiting. You could feel the itch in your body to jump and get pulled high into the air, past the trees, and over the horizon. It was the closest thing you ever got to flying, and it’s also the closest thing you ever had to _freedom._

It was absolutely addicting.

“Alright,” Levi said when he saw the both of you returning. He gestured towards the forest. “The dummies have been set up, I want to see how you deal with 15-meter titans. The two of you can take turns and I’ll give feedback.”

“Yes sir!” Eren answered loudly, his posture rigid to hide his nervousness of having to show his skills in front of Humanity’s Strongest. You stifled a chuckle at the younger boy’s clear anxiety, which did not go unnoticed.

“Eren, you can go first,” you said. Eren shakily nodded before zipping off towards the tall tree branches. You glance at Levi, winking slyly before following Eren at a distance. Levi stayed rooted to his spot for a few extra moments to gather his wits before following as well.

_Stupid brat and stupid tree hugger._

“Sorry, he wanted to tag along,” you muttered as you stood beside Levi to observe Eren. He turned to look at you before shrugging, avoiding your gaze by studying Eren’s movements through the air.

“Since when were you friends with childish idiots like him?” Levi asked, his eyes still pinned on Eren. You inhale a sharp breath, accidentally brushing your arm against his as you adjust your stance. It sent unexpected shivers down your spine.

“He’s a nice idiot, I guess,” you mused.

Eren cuts through the air with brute strength. It wasn’t precise like Mikasa’s cuts or yours, his blades were more wildly slashing while hoping that it would hit something. But when it did hit, it was deep enough to bury into the dummies, which would kill an actual Titan with one slash. He was also a bit clumsy as he flew around, which spoke of his inexperience.

When Eren finished, Levi told him his thoughts. The poor boy fidgeted uncomfortably under Levi’s scrutiny and cold criticism, but he absorbed all that was told to him and promised to improve before his graduation.

Now it was your turn.

“Remember, your target is the dummy, not the tree,” Levi called out before you took off. You childishly stuck out your tongue before jumping off the branch you had been standing on. Levi grinned to himself as he watched your graceful movements, vastly different than Eren’s.

“A tree?” Eren mumbled to himself, wondering what he missed.

After years of training, using the gear to fly through the air had become instinctual. The exact moment to turn your body, when to slow down and when to speed up. Where it would hook on and how you’d use it to your full advantage. It was as natural as breathing, and though you were mediocre in other areas, you absolutely shined when you were given your ODM gear.

You started at the bottom, slicing off the ankle area, which would have immobilized an actual Titan. Then you made your way up, spinning in dizzyingly quick movements that would have confused a Titan enough that they can’t grab you out of the air and eat you. At least, not easily. Then, with one clean stroke, you slice deep into the nape.

Lowering yourself to the ground, a sheen of sweat lining your forehead, you let out a deep, satisfied breath. Though it was tiring, you never felt it until you find yourself back on solid ground. It made you want to stay flying forever, so the exhilaration could keep any exhaustion away.

“Not bad,” Levi said as he came down beside you. You grinned brightly at him, a hint of your true smile shining through. “Though you wasted too much energy. Titans usually come in groups, so it shouldn’t tire you out to kill just one.”

“Trust me, I don’t get tired until I’m back on solid ground,” you said through your shallow breaths. Levi’s half-lidded eyes showed bits of concern as he watched you gather your bearings.

“You shouldn’t get tired until you reach base,” Levi said sharply. “Try to conserve your energy if you don’t want to just be Titan food.”

“Yes sir,” you said, imitating Eren. Levi smiled a bit, before a thud behind him signaled Eren’s arrival.

“(Y/N)! You were amazing!” Eren shouted, his eyes filled with awe. You shoot him a triumphant smirk, a bit of your arrogant persona slipping on. Chuckling, you ruffled his hair playfully, which earned you an annoyed look.

“Thanks,” you said, your smirk morphing into a playful grin.

Levi, seeing you touch Eren so casually, instinctively grabbed you by your wrist and started tugging you away from him. Your feet complied, but you raise an eyebrow at his actions. He simply looked away, hiding the slight blush that rose to his cheeks once he realized what he just did.

“Date later, brats,” Levi snapped, letting go of your wrist.

“Aww, are you jealous, Shorty?” you teased, your grin turning sly.

“Stop calling me that! We’re basically the same fucking height!” Levi said, trying with all his might to not sound flustered. But the blush he had forced down earlier came back nearly full force.

“Are you okay, Captain?” Eren asked, concerned. Surely, _the_ Levi Ackerman doesn’t blush, right? No, he’s probably sick. Did he tire himself? Isn’t he injured? Worried thoughts rush through Eren’s mind, each more frantic than the last.

“I’m fine,” Levi said coldly, breaking through Eren’s panicked state. The latter let out a sigh of relief, all while you watched in silent amusement. Levi shot you a harsh glare, but your expression remained the same if not a bit more content.

“Well, aren’t you going to show us how it’s done, Captain?” you asked, deciding to give Levi a break by changing the subject. Immediately, Levi stood up straighter, changing the last traces of embarrassment on his features to indifferent.

“Watch carefully, brats.”

It was like watching magic.

Levi knew he didn’t have to show off. He wanted to show the two stubborn trainees how to actually kill a Titan on the battlefield. He wanted to teach you both how to _stay alive_. And yet, he couldn’t resist.

He did an improved version of your approach, starting by slicing off the ankles of the dummy Titan. But instead of hooking onto the shoulder of the Titan next, Levi chose to swing away, towards a nearby tree. In his mind, he envisioned an actual 15-meter, hands outstretched and eyes tracking his movements. Not staying still for long, he swung in a circle around it, before diving in with blades flashing.

It had felt so real, Levi nearly saw the blood from the Titan’s wound splattering his shirt. He was quickly brought back to reality though, when his grey eyes locked with your amazed expression. It brought a smile to his face, the thought of your admiration.

“Titans react on instinct, they don’t think,” Levi said once he got back to you and Eren. “When they’re hurt, they lash out on anything near them. So after attacking, I suggest you take a step back and create some distance, before killing from a different angle.”

“Yes sir!” Eren answered, the kid nearly bouncing around from excitement.

“Wouldn’t that waste more energy and gas though, Captain?” you asked, skeptical. Levi turned his gaze to you, his look silently appraising you for your critical thinking. He pondered over your question for a bit.

“The small amount of extra gas used is insignificant when compared to your life. And your stamina should be trained here, before you head into the battlefield,” Levi finally answered. “However, those are very good points to consider.”

“Yes sir,” you said softly, your smile matching your tone.

“Oh shoot, Mikasa is going to be searching for me,” Eren suddenly said, panic slightly showing in his voice. You raise an eyebrow, mentally preparing yourself just in case the terrifying girl would show up again to kick you in your still-bruised gut. The thought of it made you wince once you remembered, but you quickly covered it up.

“You should get going then,” you said. But it was too late.

A figure with black hair was once more racing towards you, running faster than anyone should be when it’s so early in the morning. You glance at Levi, who stood up straighter as he subtly shifted his body to be in front of you. Just in case.

Sure enough, Mikasa nearly slams into you in her haste to reach Eren. Levi, reacting quickly, shoves her out of the way. It made her stumble a bit, enough to snap her out of her panicked stupor. She shot him a brief glare, before rushing to Eren without a second glance.

“Eren! You weren’t where you usually are, what on earth were you doing?!” Mikasa scolded, sounding very much like a mother chastising her rebellious child. You chuckled a bit, letting out a sigh of relief that Levi stopped her before she could harm anyone. You peak over Levi’s shoulder, watching the scene unfold with slight amusement.

_That stupid girl needs to be more careful._

Levi looked at his distant cousin with disdain in his eyes. She was much younger than him, and yet, already she showed that she was an Ackerman. Mikasa was top of her class, and by a fairly wide margin. Physically strong well past her years. But in his eyes, she was still an inexperienced child. And Mikasa had hurt _you,_ which would be very hard to forgive, even if it was by accident.

“Watch where you’re going, stupid brat,” Levi spat, all while coldly glaring at Mikasa. As if just remembering that someone else was there, Mikasa snapped her gaze to Levi before matching his glare perfectly.

“You—”

Levi cuts her off with a raised eyebrow, a silent dare to continue her statement. The message rang loud and clear, forcing the young tigress to back down. All you could do was watch, your perceptive eyes catching the exchange clearly and taking some satisfaction in Mikasa’s silence.

“Nice to see you again, Mikasa,” you greeted, your tone too monotone to be cheerful but still warm. She glances over at you, nodding stiffly as a reply. You brush off her slight disrespect easily, but your captain certainly didn’t as he bristled.

“Take the boy with you and get going,” Levi said gruffly, his eyes half-lidded and bored as if they weren’t worth his time. Mikasa did as he said silently, tugging Eren along as they made their way back to the building.

“Thanks for before,” you sighed, offering Levi a small grin. “I would’ve ended up with another bruise if it wasn’t for you. That girl is tough as nails.”

“She’s reckless,” Levi scoffed. He headed towards the shed to take off his ODM gear, gesturing for you to do the same.

“She’s a kid, she’ll learn,” you said with a shrug as you follow him. The sun had started rising higher into the sky, meaning it was now the general time most trainees started waking up for breakfast. After the short training session, you were feeling particularly hungry.

“If she ever hurts you again, tell me,” Levi commanded. His grey eyes meet yours.

“It was an accident!” you protested, not really knowing why you were defending Mikasa considering she probably hated you.

“If the top of the class injures her teammates so easily by accident, I fear for the fate of humanity,” Levi said sharply. You chuckle a bit, your smile teasing as you finish up. With the heavy weight of the gear lifted, you were feeling much lighter.

“Come on, Shorty. Maybe you’ll be a bit less grouchy after breakfast.”

“Shut up.”

You walk side by side in comfortable silence for a while, both of you lost in thought. Levi wanted desperately to fill the silence, scared that you’ll be bored with his company, but didn’t really know how to.

Thankfully, you do find a subject. “How is your wound healing?”

“Fine, I guess,” Levi said, his hand subconsciously lifting to touch his torso. It stung with sharp pain, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was just a few days ago. And yet, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from your eyes, you saw through it right away.

“Come on,” you said simply. It was nearly natural, walking to the infirmary to change his bandages. As if it was now your assigned job, to make sure the idiot doesn’t die from stubbornness.

“You don’t have to,” Levi said, looking away from you. You roll your eyes, slipping your hand into his to tug him along. The action stunned him enough to make his brain short-circuit, which only made it easier for you to pull him to the infirmary.

“I can’t have you dying on me yet, idiot,” you said. Once more, you push him onto one of the cots and rush away to get the needed supplies, returning faster than you did before as you weave your way around the scattered furniture.

“You’re basically an actual nurse at this point. You’re right at home here,” Levi said once you’ve settled by his bedside.

“All I know is basic first aid,” you said in a clipped tone, trying to get Levi to take the hint and drop the subject. Unfortunately, the captain isn’t quite skilled enough in social interactions to pick up your cue, or maybe he was just too curious.

“How come you’re so good at it?”

You flinched, trying very hard to stop the flood of memories that threatened to burst through the dam you had built in your mind. Visions of blood and the smell of death. Sounds of pain and starvation. Your hands stilled over the freshly cleaned wound lining Levi’s stomach, but you could no longer see the world around you.

_“They need it more, just leave me here…”_

_“NO! You’re dying you absolute idiot!”_

Levi’s eyes widened and his breath cut off abruptly as his gaze landed on your hands. They were trembling ever so slightly, and though you tried to hide it, it was a stark contrast to your usually steady, smooth movements. Your jaw was clenched and your lips were pressed into a grim line. Your eyes, though they were fixed on Levi, didn’t see him.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?” Levi asked, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. You were frozen for only a split second more before his voice registered in your head and you snapped out of the control of your horrid memories.

“I wish I was an actual nurse,” you said with a bitter smile, resuming changing Levi’s bandages with your usual precise movements. “Then I could have saved a lot more people.”

“You can be,” Levi said, watching you warily. But whatever happened seemed to have passed. “A nurse. It’s not too late to back out and get the training.”

“Are you saying I’m too weak to be a soldier?” you huffed, shooting Levi a half-hearted glare. Levi sighed and shook his head, trying to meet your eyes, a request you persistently deny.

“No, you idiot. It’s just—” Levi paused as he tried to find the right word. “—safer.”

“I can handle myself, thanks.” You were determined to try and keep silent, to let the conversation die. But Levi wasn’t quite done yet.

“It would make me worry a lot less, you know. If you were a nurse,” Levi said softly, finally letting his gaze drop to the floor. You turn to look at his face, searching for what kind of emotion he was trying to hide. But he guarded it tight.

“You would worry about me?” you asked, your defensive tone dropping without you realizing it. The silence was thick as you waited for his answer, your mind slowly convincing yourself that you probably just heard him wrong. Levi Ackerman, worrying about you? He had much more important people to worry about.

“Of course I would,” Levi said, brushing his hair back in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his flustered expression. “You’re my friend, aren’t you?”

Fully expecting you to tease him with your usual mischievous grin, Levi was caught entirely off guard when all he saw on your face was a soft smile. Your warm eyes said it all, and yet you said it again, “Thank you.”

You finished wrapping his wound back up, thankful you didn’t have to see it for at least several hours. Though blood rarely fazed you, the thought of Levi being in pain oddly disturbed you. And you had a feeling that when he had to get back onto the battlefield, you’d have several sleepless nights.


	6. The Small Debacle Called Showering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhausted after training, Levi invites you to shower in his personal bathroom.  
> No smut yet you filthy sinners ;)

A week. It was only a week away.

“Nervous, tree hugger? You better not be slacking off on training,” Levi tuts when you slump down beside him, a tree behind both of you to lean on and provide some shade. You shoot him a playful glare, taking a few deep breaths before being able to respond.

“Nervous for what? Graduation? You’re just scared I’ll take your title of Humanity’s Strongest,” you teased back. Levi deftly hands you a bottle of water, which you gratefully take and drink from. While the scorching heat had nearly completely exhausted you, Levi had barely broken a sweat.

“Don’t get too cocky. Lots of trees in the wild, you know. You might get attacked by one again,” Levi said, his lips quirking up into a small grin. It was the closest he got to a smile these days.

“Shut up and fight me, asshole,” you grumbled, hopping back to your feet and assuming a fighting stance. Levi lets out a mockingly loud sigh but complies nonetheless, slowly mirroring your position all while maintaining his bored look.

“Aren’t you tired of losing?” Levi drawled, putting his fists up to block the punch you threw at him. You were exhausted, and so your punch held less than half of your normal power. It glanced off his arm harmlessly.

“Never!” you roared as you dashed at him, ducking low before swinging your fists up. Your movements were too predictable though, and Levi dodged with ease. In contrast with your usually elegantly swift attacks, you were now sloppy and slow, entirely readable.

_She just won’t give up though._

“Come on, you’re obviously exhausted,” Levi tried once more as he side-steps your clumsy charge. He saw an opening when you slightly lose your balance, and his reflexes tell his body to move forward and seize your knees, to make you tumble to the ground.

Yet, Levi resists his battle-hardened instinct, instead waiting to see what you would do. He could tell that you were trying your absolute hardest not to breathe too hard and show your fatigue, but at this rate, you might collapse on the ground panting from exhaustion. Sweat ran down your forehead, and your vision had started to blur from how hard you had been pushing your body all day. Your aching muscles screamed at you to _stop being so stubborn and admit defeat already!_

You put all the energy you had left into one last tackle. Levi’s eyes widened when he saw you coming, and he could have once again dodged you easily, but he instead stood his ground and let you knock him off his feet.

You land in a heap on the ground, your head resting against his shoulder as you pinned him down with your shaky arms. Through the haze of your tiredness, you smile a broad grin of victory.

“Hah! I finally… won…”

The limbs that held you up collapsed, your eyes fluttering shut as Levi finds you passed out on top of him. The position made him blush furiously, though thankfully you weren’t awake to see it. Your body was so warm, hardened with muscles but soft as a childhood memory, melting into him as gravity pulls the two of you close.

Carefully, Levi shifts so he can sit up, his hand cradling the back of your head while the other slips your discarded jacket on your shoulders. Honestly, your endurance was terrible. Getting so tired after only a day of training, intense as it was, could become dangerous when you go on week-long missions as a Scout.

Just the thought of you becoming a Scout fills Levi with anxiety. The death rates had sky-rocketed, and those that survived rarely did so without trauma. As it always had, the thought of you hurt in any way filled Levi with a special kind of rage. If he had a choice, he would have protected you from anything.

_But I can._

Levi knew you were strong. But the strong aren’t guaranteed life. Still, despite all that, Levi knew that he would sacrifice everything if it meant it kept you alive. And so he would.

_I’ll protect you this time._

His grey eyes swept across your features. Your closed eyes and soft breaths. The light bruises that decorate your skin like ink on a blank canvas. The faded scars and the beautiful simplicity of your whole being. It consumed him.

How did things get this far? You were so close, and everything you did together was as natural as breathing. It was so easy, liking you. Being with you. Ever so slowly falling for you.

Levi’s thoughts were abruptly cut off when your even breathing ended in a sharp gasp. You squinted through the light of the setting sun, finding your vision filled with just his worried expression. Your lips crack a grin.

“I won, right?” you asked, your voice still weak. Levi shook his head in amusement, smiling to himself.

“If it gets you to rest already, then yes, you idiot,” Levi said softly, helping you sit up straighter before realizing you were still on his lap. Subtly pushing you off, he cleared his throat and threw his gaze away.

“Captain ‘I’m Humanity’s Strongest’ is admitting defeat? Who are you and what have you done to Levi’s giant ego?” you teased, slowly standing up on your wobbly legs. Levi glared before following suit, dusting off his pants and looking at the grime on his hands with clear disgust.

“Shut up, I need a bath,” Levi growled, stalking back to the building. You laugh a bit and push your tired legs into one last jog to catch up to him, though even that leaves you out of breath.

“Yeah, you stink pretty badly,” you said, scrunching up your nose for emphasis but still unable to hide your grin.

“You do too, dumbass. You’re filthy,” Levi said. His warm hand slips into yours, your fingers intertwining as if they were made to hold each other. He tugs you along as he always does, and you nearly manage to not blush at all this time.

“Where are you taking me? You want a bath together?” you asked, your tone clearly joking. Levi clenched his jaw, wondering if his intentions were that obvious.

“How can you stand being so dirty?” Levi asked, dodging your question with the expert skills of a true pervert. You decide to let him off the hook though. For now.

“I can’t actually, but you can’t be serious,” you said incredulously. Levi shrugs.

“It’s bath time, the showers must be full. I have a private one attached to my room,” Levi said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. As if these were all passing thoughts.

“Well, aren’t you a dirty—”

“Do you want to or not?” Levi cut you off, covering up his embarrassment with feigned annoyance. His tone made you feel like cowering back into your shell to say yes to anything he asks of you, but you knew he wasn’t actually angry.

“Sure.”

The word slipped past your lips while you were busy trying to silence your intrusive thoughts, and before you know it, you find yourself with a spare change of clothes and your towel waiting for Levi to unlock the door of his room.

_His room. What would the inside look like? Is this even appropriate??_

Well, to answer your first question, the famous Captain Levi’s room is absolutely spotless. Everything seemed to have an exact spot, and no speck of dust would ever dare show its presence or touch his things. A neatly made-up bed laid right by the corner, where you place all the things you were holding. A simple wooden door was right across the room, probably leading to the aforementioned bathroom.

As for your second question, probably not.

“Do you want to go first?” you asked, searching for somewhere to sit while you wait. But the room was sparse, so the only place you could really sit on was the bed, not counting the floor.

Levi saw where your gaze landed and visibly flinched when he imagined his pure white sheets dirtied by your uniform. However, the feeling of dirt against his skin and clothes was positively unbearable.

Sensing his hesitation, you took this opportunity to tease him, eager to see that cute blush he always tries to hide. “Or do you want to go together~?”

“Go first,” Levi growled, figuring he could live with a bit of filth for a few more minutes. You shrugged, picking up your change of clothes and towel once more and striding towards the bathroom. "And don't take too long."

You smirk, your tone mischievous and only half genuine. “Don’t peek.”

The door shuts softly behind you, letting Levi finally collapse onto his bed. The day had been exhausting, and though you were inexperienced, you were a much better sparring partner than he had initially thought. Like you were on the ODM, you were fast and as precise as a surgeon’s knife. You always knew exactly where to strike, even if you weren’t too familiar with different fighting techniques.

Levi had sparred with lots of soldiers, but his heart beats the loudest when he sparred with you. For some entirely unknown reason.

The sound of the shower running pulled him from his thoughts. He imagined the feeling of the warm water against his dirty skin and sighed, closing his eyes as he waited impatiently. Though he found himself startled when his usual daydream of a nice, hot shower now included you, standing beside him and entirely na—

_No! Don’t you fucking dare, Levi Ackerman!_

God, what was wrong with him? He was an adult, a soldier, and a trained, Titan-killing weapon. He can’t _possibly_ be thinking of you as a stupid teenage boy thinks of a very pretty model, though Levi had to admit you were indeed very pretty. But he wasn’t a pervert! No, he can’t be. He’ll prove it to himself right now, by very firmly _not_ thinking about you, currently in that shower under the hot water, your hair wet and your skin glowing as you scrubbed all that dirt away…

Oh fuck. He’s totally fucked.

“Hey, I’m done.”

 _Shit._ “Took you long enough, brat.”

“I’m back to being a brat now?” you asked, stepping out of the bathroom with a loose white shirt, partly transparent in some places thanks to the water dripping from the tips of your wet hair. You had a towel covering your head as you tried to dry it off, though your efforts seemed futile.

“Shut up, you were hogging my shower,” Levi said as he shoved past you into the bathroom, eyes averted and face lowered to hide the blush he could slowly but surely feel creeping in. You raised an eyebrow.

“You said I could go first…?”

Pretending like he had never heard your words, Levi slammed the door behind him. He shut his eyes as he furiously took off his shirt, desperate to get under the shower. The room even _smelled_ like you. Sweet and familiar.

Running a hand through his dark hair, Levi started the water and flinched, finding it cold, before deciding to go under it anyway.

He did not realize something very innocuous, and very pink, was sitting right there on the sink. That is, until your muffled voice rings throughout the small room from behind the closed door laced in a sheepish tone.

“Hey, Shorty? I, uh, left something in there, if you don’t mind tossing it back here,” you said, your face burning a whole new shade of red. Levi raised an eyebrow, slightly irritated that his peace and quiet was interrupted.

“Where did you leave it?” Levi asked calmly, eyes closed.

“The sink, maybe?” you answered, unsure. Did he not see it as he walked in?

“Alri—”

“Don’t look at it and just throw it out here!” you immediately cut off. Your sharp voice startled Levi like hell, but regardless, he turned off his shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, eyes scanning the room for whatever you left behind.

It didn’t take very long to notice a very bright pink bra lying innocently on the cold porcelain of the sink.

“What the fuck?!” Levi’s face burned hotter than the sun as he tried to force himself to look away. Why was it bigger than he thought it would b—

“I knew you were a pervert! I said just throw it out here!” you shouted back, your hands subconsciously covering your face. You were embarrassed to the point your brain had stopped working, your logic coming to a screeching halt.

Inside, your captain faced a similar predicament. “Why— _How—?_ "

“I know you’re looking at it, you asshole!”

An awkward silence stretched out for a few moments, before the door calmly, tentatively cracked open. Aggressively avoiding your eyes, Levi lifted his hand which was loosely holding your bra like it held a deadly virus. You snatched it away from him and took several steps back, shooting one very scathing glare towards the man still standing in the doorway.

_Oh sweet holy gods above, he was practically naked._

“Oh, so who’s the pervert now?” Levi drawled, finding some of his confidence returning when he noticed you were unabashedly staring at him, your cute face splashed with a heaping dose of red blush. A smirk lifted the corner of his lips.

“Do you not have any decency?!” you all but shrieked, your hands flying up to cover your face. Both to shield your eyes from wandering any further and to hide your very obviously flustered expression. 

“Don’t you? You’re staring,” Levi teased, his smirk turning into a small grin.

“Go and finish your shower, damn it!” you said. He chuckled deeply but wordlessly obliged you nonetheless, shutting the bathroom door once more. The silence he left behind was nearly deafening.

You clutched your bra to your chest for a few seconds as you tried to steady your racing heartbeat. But try as you might, you couldn’t get the image of _him_ out of your head. Sure, you’ve seen him shirtless before while changing his bandages. But now that the hideous scar was mostly healed, your eyes no longer had something to draw them from his toned body and chiseled abdomen. Water ran down his torso in branching rivulets and they only drew your gaze further and further down…

_No! Get your mind off that annoyingly hot asshole!_

_..._

_Wait, he’s hot now?_

You quickly move away from that train of thought.

Without thinking, you let your exhausted body collapse on the bed. It felt so good. The sheets were clean and smelled vaguely like lemons, and you could almost trace the shape of your captain, lying down right where you are right now. This is his room, his bed. And for just a second you allowed yourself to feel close to him.

What were you going to do about him? In just a week, you were going to join the Scouts. To be thrown straight into the frontlines of hell, to witness death and blood once again. And you wouldn’t have minded, no you were quite used to all that gore. But _he_ would be there, wouldn’t he?

Your eyes grow heavier with each passing moment, your tense muscles finally finding themselves able to relax. Maybe you can get a bit of sleep, just for a while.

_Just for a little… bit…_

The bathroom door cracked open once more, Levi’s gaze wary as he quickly scanned the room. He didn’t know if he was making sure you weren’t standing there with only a bra on or if he was hoping you’d be, the dirty-minded bastard that he secretly was.

Shaking his head as if that would resolve his conflicting feelings, Levi stepped away and quickly put on a clean white shirt. A hint of panic shot through him when he couldn’t find you sitting or standing somewhere in his room, until his eyes landed on your sleeping figure.

A soft smile settled on his lips as he silently approached. Your breathing was deep and steady, and it nearly made him chuckle to see you fall so fast asleep so quickly. Your cheeks were still dotted with red, but your expression seemed almost entirely peaceful. Your shut eyes and parted lips. Your hair sprawled across the white pillows.

Oddly enough, clean freak Levi didn’t much care that someone else was sleeping on his bed. He even took careful steps to make sure you didn’t wake up, the bed tilting gently as he sat beside you.

You must be exhausted. You trained like hell today, vowing that you wouldn’t rest until you could beat him in just one sparring session. Of course, Levi had a far too large advantage over you, but nonetheless, the fact you managed to pose a true challenge surprised him.

It eerily reminded Levi of himself. And that scared him more than anything you could do, because if you did turn out like him, well...

You’d probably end up dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading this far! I hope you enjoy this fun little chapter before author-san over here has their evil tendencies take over ;))


	7. The Last Spar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months pass and the Scouts prepare for an expedition, while the two almost-lovers reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support and for reading this far! All the comments are highly appreciated ^^

_I have to pay attention to this briefing_. _I have to… pay attention…_

Your eyes threatened to close and drift you off into sleep. The sunlight on your cheek was so warm, and the smooth wood under your arms could have been the softest bed in the world. How long has it been since you got a full night of rest? Ages.

“Oi! All of you, pay attention if you don’t want to become Titan food!”

Straight-backed, you jolted awake, earning a few chuckles from around the room. Your wooden desks all faced a large chalk board with a battle formation scrawled on it. One of the more high-ranking soldiers that served as your teacher gave you a sharp glare, so you avoid his gaze with an apologetic smile playing on your lips.

“You new recruits will be here!” he barked, smacking his stick against the board. It pointed to a square on the outer edges of the formation. A dangerous position, made for expendable soldiers. You knew then and there that no matter what he said, you all probably _would_ end up as Titan food. Rage filled you at the thought that you'd all probably end up dying, the worthless new recruits. Your sleep-deprivation was not helping your mood.

“Yes sir!” the room chorused, your sleepy voice lagging behind by a second.

“Study this and the signals again! Now get out and resume training!”

You trudged outside, rubbing your eyes and fighting a yawn. Being a Scout was no small deal, it was incredibly exhausting. You worked day and night, training harder and harder now that your captain wasn’t there to spar with you anymore. Hell if you’d let yourself lag behind that shorty.

And today was a terrible day, existential nihilism aside from being told you're basically just Titan bait. 

The days before graduation passed faster than fleeting sunlight during monsoon season. Suddenly you found yourself among the terrified kids shaking in their boots before Commander Erwin, everyone fully believing that their deaths were steadily approaching the moment they decided to stay and join the Survey Corps. Still, they stayed when everyone left, and so you all became Scouts together.

Levi disappeared right after your graduation. You all left to the Survey Corps base together, but your captain had been so busy planning this expedition, he didn’t really have time for a brat like you. As much as you hate to admit it, a part of you missed having him around.

You missed having a friend, to be precise. Not him, pfft. Why would you miss _him_? Not like you're bitter that he hasn't even tried talking to you or anything.

The other recruits grouped together tightly, like a pack of young wolves hungry for whatever fuels their fire. Mikasa and Armin stood out the most, with Eren nowhere to be found. You heard that he had joined Levi’s squad, but your slow and inattentive mind tuned out mostly anything after that.

Levi. Again.

You really needed to stop thinking about him. What were you doing? Training, right. Maybe a walk in the woods to cool your head would help first. Clear any distracting thoughts.

Your fists itched to punch something though, and to punch it _hard._

_That fucking shorty! Not even trying to seek me out!_

You blinked and suddenly found your knuckles buried in the bark of a tree, blood slowly trailing down. The pain gave you one last moment of peace before it spread through your arm like wildfire.

“FU—"

“You’ve really learned nothing.”

Speak of the devil and he is summoned. Or curse him in your mind and he is summoned, I guess.

Your eyes swept across the greenery but didn’t take long to locate the source of that annoying voice that plagued your mind mere seconds ago. Levi Ackerman, leaning against a tree, looking smug as ever. Though shock ran through your mind and made your heart skip a beat, the pain that burned quickly turned it into rage.

“Shut up!” you snapped through gritted teeth.

Levi sighed and walked closer. It had felt like ages since he saw you, though it can’t have been more than a couple of months. He had lost count the amount of times he thought of your laugh, and your smile. How the sound of your voice could lull him back to sleep after the worst nightmare.

And yet here you were, punching a tree. Like an idiot.

“Really now, we’re about to go outside the wall and you decide breaking your hand is a good idea?” Levi asked sharply while gently taking your hand and examining it. Though it was bloody, it didn’t seem swollen. Hopefully just scraped.

“Oh the tree was being extra mean. It was very worth it,” you said sarcastically. Your hand in his. Though his fingers and palms were calloused, he was impossibly soft, moving ever so gently as he tried his hardest not to cause you more pain. Thankfully, your punch this time wasn’t _too_ hard, so you didn’t break anything.

“Tell me next time, I’ll punch it for you,” Levi said with a small grin, wrapping your scraped knuckles with a handkerchief before reluctantly letting go.

“You’d punch a tree for me but you barely even see me! I thought I died early and became a ghost, with how no one acknowledges my existence,” you said, sending him an accusing glare. Levi looked away, the faintest blush possible dotting his cheeks.

“I’m a captain you know. I have a lot of responsibilities—”

“Like that stopped you from falling off a tree,” you teased, smiling mischievously.

“Damn you, tree-hugger.”

Laughter rang past the trees, swallowed up by the world around you as the both of you felt a weight lifted from your shoulders. Levi didn’t notice how tense, how _anxious_ he had been for the past month or so. He hadn’t laughed in ages, not with such a big assignment ahead.

And you, well you haven’t laughed since the last time you saw Levi. Being like this with him right now felt like your soul had finally started waking up from its hibernation. To hell with it, you definitely missed him.

“I hope you’ve been training well while I wasn’t there to check on you,” Levi said with an arched eyebrow. His feet had started walking alongside yours, neither of you really knowing or caring where it brought you.

“Of course I have. The forest is terrified of me.”

“I mean it,” Levi said sternly. “This is a big expedition. Sure we’ve done test runs, but doing a supply run to retake Wall Maria isn’t as easy as punching a tree until you break your hand.”

“You’re never gonna let that go,” you muttered. Levi’s lips twitched into a small smile before falling back into a stern line.

“Spar with me,” Levi said, his tone as commanding as you’d expect from Humanity’s Strongest. Your eyes widened, your steps stuttering for a moment.

“Right now?” you asked, incredulous. Your eyes scan Levi’s outfit, a clean and fancy looking white shirt and a white cravat tied around his neck. Long slacks and leather boots. Compared to your standard military-issued dirty t-shirt, he looked far more important and far less ready for a sparring session.

“What? Scared I’ll kick your ass again?” Levi asked, though behind his stoic dark eyes lurked sheer enjoyment out of teasing you.

“I’ve been training for months while you stayed locked in your office like a damsel in distress. I bet tonight’s dinner that I’ll win, Shorty,” you said arrogantly, throwing in the nickname as an added barb. Levi cocked his head, untying his cravat while you stretched.

“Are those words literal?” he asked.

“Only if you bet yours in return,” you returned cheekily.

“Not like I’d lose anyway.”

…

Did he just…?

You lunged at him before he managed to say anything else, using your rage to fuel your burning desire to _punch his ego until it bursts._

_Holy fuck, she’s strong._

All Levi could do was let his instincts dodge your fists as you moved around him like a fish in water, throwing swift attacks and instinctively avoiding counterattacks that never came. A punch or two landed, and Levi knew then and there that you were barely pulling your punches.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Levi grunted, finally deciding to get serious as your flying fist narrowly missed his cheek.

“Apologies sir, but I was trained to be a Titan killer,” you said through your short breaths. Though you could feel your stamina running out, you pushed yourself to crouch and swept your feet across the ground, throwing Levi off balance.

It worked for only a second before he managed to catch himself. “Do I look like a Titan to you, soldier?”

“No sir, you’re far too short.”

“Oh, you’re paying for that.”

Levi lunged forward, trying to grab your legs and pin you to the ground. But you rolled over before he could get a firm grip on you, getting back on your two feet and into a default fighting stance before Levi could try anything more.

_How did she get so fast?_

He only managed to get on his knees before you copied his move, lunging forward and pinning him to the ground. Levi’s mind struggled to catch up, registering the situation a few precious seconds too late. Your knee was buried in his chest and your hands were pinning his arms to the ground, a victorious smirk playing on your lips.

“I’ve won,” you said smugly, lowering your face to look into his eyes. Sweat dripped from your forehead, and your screaming lungs struggled to breathe enough air. Though you firmly gripped his wrists to make sure he can’t move, your knee on Levi’s chest isn’t quite pinning him down. A part of you, conscious or not, was still unable to actually hurt him.

“Lesson one of being a Scout,” Levi whispered, testing how much weight you were using to pin him to the ground. “If you could do something, anything at all, you haven’t lost yet.”

Before you could fully register his words, Levi’s legs swung up, pushing his torso off the ground and dislodging your knee. Taking advantage of your surprise, he grabbed your hands and with one swift motion, reversed your position.

“You little—”

“Call me short again and I might commit murder.”

“Might?” you asked, your body too tired to really fight back but your lips still holding your smirk. “I’ll take my chances, Shorty.”

“I bet I’ll be quite tall after I finish your dinner,” Levi said with a devastating grin.

“Didn’t you say something about lesson one?”

Levi realized his mistake too late. You gathered all the energy you have left into one shove sideways, one that he didn’t anticipate and caught him entirely off guard. Before he could do much, he had the business end of a small pocketknife resting against his throat.

“Now I know you’re trying to kill me,” Levi said, secretly very impressed that he didn’t see you had a weapon on you.

“Guess you gotta stay short,” you said with a cheerful grin. Once Levi gave the signal that he officially lost, you slip the knife back into the pocket of your pants, as if it never existed.

“Well, I didn’t expect any less from the 9th best of the class,” Levi said, cocking his brow and watching for your reaction. Instead of a smug smirk or cocky grin however, he found your expression falling into a sadly familiar stoic mask.

Though it was an achievement, being in the top 10 of your class, you didn’t like being reminded of it. Because you knew deep down that it didn’t matter, none of it did. You knew far too well that death does not discriminate, not after Wall Maria fell. No matter your rank, whether you were Mikasa or someone who barely passed and is wishing for a quick death, you would all be put into one group in the outer edges of a formation, ripe snacks and perfect distractions for the Titans.

What angered you the most was that you understood that decision. The experienced, valuable soldiers put deeper inside, where they’d be the last line of defence for the supplies. While the newer recruits get the brunt of the Titans, either gaining valuable experience and the trauma that comes with it, or death.

You need to earn your lives by surviving the front lines, and the thought terrifies you. Immensely.

Your gaze is as dark as the thoughts swirling inside you. The insecurities, the pessimism. The nearly suicidal nihilistic whispers.

“Who cares if I’m 9th best if I manage to beat Humanity’s Strongest?” you said, lurking behind your mischievous tone a bitter and venomous one. Levi sighed and shook his head, looking at you hard as if he was trying to memorize your face or see past your soul.

“You’re right,” he said. “Rankings don’t matter. Titans eat anyone anyway.”

“Whatever you do,” you said, your voice shockingly soft. “Please don’t let yourself get killed. Once we get out and reclaim Wall Maria.”

“You’re worried about _me_?” Levi asked, not believing what he heard.

“I know you’re as strong as an entire battalion—”

“I’m worried about _you,_ new recruit.”

Annoyance struck through your heart, cracking your neutral expression. “Aren’t new recruits sent out there to die anyway? Why else would we be at the edges where the Titans can pick us off like snacks?”

“Don’t say that…”

“But you, Shorty, are important, right?” you said, turning to look him in the eyes. “I don’t care about freedom like Eren does, but I’m probably dying out there and I don’t want to die for nothing.”

Levi was left speechless. Was that what you were thinking? This entire time? That you would be sent out there to die for the sake of humanity’s freedom? That he’d just _stand there and_ _let_ you _die_?

But of course you would think that. The mortality rates make it clear as day that this was a job you devote to until death, and it was true for every new recruit that came before you. And everyone knew it, deep inside. That they would die so others can taste freedom, and safety. That they would die so others would survive. Because that is the job of a Scout.

Still, the thought of _your_ death sent shivers down Levi’s spine. He didn’t want to ever think about it, even if it could be turning into a reality any time they set foot outside the relative safety of the walls.

“(Y/N), I won’t let you die that easily.”

“You can’t kill every Titan out there,” you said. A strange nihilism started to overtake you. So what if you were the best on the ODM in your entire class? So what if you could cut through a Titan’s nape faster than anyone else? There were too many of them, and you only have so many blades.

“I can, and I will,” Levi said. A strange determination filled him. “I will, just to spite you and keep you alive.”

Instead of arguing like a part of you wanted to, you lean your head on Levi’s shoulder, letting yourself take deep breaths. Both of you had your hearts racing, but neither of you wanted to move. Your muscles ached and your lungs were screaming again, and all you wanted was a warm shower and bed. Just like back then.

“After I die out there—”

“You won’t _._ ”

“—And you finally figure out what the rest of the world is like, tell me what the stars look like when you aren’t trapped within these stupid walls.”

A beat, as you gathered your thoughts and Levi felt his heart break slowly.

“Tell me what the flowers look like when they bloom in the wild. Tell me what the sea is, if an ocean of salt water even exists and isn’t just one of Armin’s ramblings.” You smile a bit at that. “And tell me what a land of ice looks like, and tell me what a tropical rainforest is."

“You aren’t dying to a Titan,” Levi spat out, his hand cupping your cheek and forcing you to look into his eyes. He was searching for something, anything. The will to fight and survive. “We’re going to see what’s outside together.”

He sounded like one of those hopeful kids who had never seen a Titan eat someone alive, somehow daring to dream of going outside with someone he truly cared for. And for once, he understood how they felt.

“And Levi,” you choked, trying to blink back the tears that pooled within your glassy eyes. “When I inevitably die, and when you inevitably live, just live. Forget me if you have to, I don’t mind.”

“You talk like you’re already dead, overdramatic tree-hugger,” Levi said with a bittersweet smile. “We’re making it through this, even if I have to drag you back to base myself.”

“Will you be changing my bandages for me?”

“I’ll change all the bandages you want me to.”

A small, soft laugh escapes from your lips, widening the smile on Levi’s sad face.

It was twilight. The sun hung low on the horizon, as if it was looking away to let you steal a few more moments together. The expedition loomed like the large shadow of a mountain, ominous and as inevitable as death.

But before you’ll have to deal with that, you’re granted these minutes of bliss. And for that, you’re thankful, as a sheep being led to slaughter is thankful for the moments it has with its friends before it meets its bloody end.


	8. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend your last morning before the supply run in your captain's arms, until reality abruptly barges in.

You were up earlier than anyone. Though it was more like you hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep that entire night.

The silence had felt stifling. The stale dinner you ate hours ago sat uncomfortably in your stomach. The words you left unsaid and the tears you let dry out now turned into pitch-black anxiety, hovering over your closed eyelids as you attempted to sleep.

And so you wandered the empty halls. It wasn’t even dawn yet. The sun was still under its blanket of the horizon, and even the early birds weren’t up to sing their song. It was just you.

Just you.

It was today. You were going out of the walls today, and you were also probably dying today. No matter how hard you tried to hold on to your optimism, you simply had to accept that fact. So many had died. So many _will_ die. And knowing so, your feet took you to the one place you wanted to be. The one person you wanted to see.

Your three soft knocks on his wooden door were enough to jolt Levi out of his nightmares. He woke up in cold sweat, his eyes wide and pricked with tears as he tried to ignore the chill that seemed embedded into his skin.

Though dreams were easy to forget, nightmares were far easier to remember. The darkness of his room fed the dread that lingered after his psychological hell, the shadows that lurked around the corners of the space a physical manifestation of his worst fears.

_Who on earth is disturbing me in this ungodly hour?_

Levi considered washing up so he didn’t look too scary. His inky dark hair was a tousled mess and his eyes were probably bloodshot, so he would probably be enough to terrify whichever idiot decided to wake him up before the crack of dawn.

The door creaked open, with Levi putting on his most venomous scowl, only for it to drop once his mind registered who was standing in front of him.

“Do tree-huggers normally get up this early or are you just weird?” Levi asked, his voice laced heavily with sleep. You smile sheepishly, not really taking into account the fact that your captain might be too sleepy to indulge you.

“I just, uh…” What were you here to do again?

All you knew was that you wanted to see him. Sadly, your sleep-deprived brain couldn’t think any further than getting you to his room.

“Come in.”

Levi regretted his decision to go out looking as bad as he did. And his room was, uncharacteristically, a mess. His sheets were obviously not made, his desk was filled to the brim with unorganized stacks of paper; files and work he had not finished yet. The floor had the thinnest layer of dust, which ground his gears and sent a shot of embarrassment that you were seeing his room in such an unacceptable state.

Though when he glanced your way, you didn’t seem to notice. You quietly sat down on his unmade bed, eyes trained to the floor and avoiding his gaze. Pink dusted your cheeks and your lips were parted, unsaid words probably on the tip of your tongue.

“I’m sorry, “ you blurted out, breaking the awkward silence. Levi frowned and sat beside you, an eyebrow raised to show his confusion.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For waking you up this early,” you said. _For being sent to my death today._

“Well, I wasn’t sleeping very well before anyway,” Levi said, running a hand through his hair, instantly regretting bringing up his nightmares as the memories of them flashed through his mind. _There was blood, and then there was her._

“I wasn’t sleeping at all,” you chuckled softly. “Today is the day, isn’t it?”

“Supply run, and reclaiming Wall Maria,” Levi confirmed. You still couldn’t look at him, the guilt weighing you down as if they were invisible chains.

“Remember what I said?”

“Depends, do you remember what I said?” Levi asked, knowing exactly then and there what you were thinking about. Your eyes widened in shock as he leaned in close, until you were breathing the same air. “We’re making it through. Alive. Together.”

“You sound like Armin,” you said with a soft laugh, finally finding the courage to meet his eyes. They were a shade of grey nearly silver, that radiated a fierce kind of passion and protectiveness. And they were looking at you, and only you.

“I don’t really remember who that is,” Levi admitted. “But he’s probably very smart.”

“Too smart, actually.”

“Great minds think alike.”

You smiled a bit wider, feeling incredibly lucky that you decided to seek him out. You got to properly see him, and talk to him and joke a bit before you face hell on the battlefield. You weren’t expecting to survive, foolishly hoping to become a hero like all the other kids do. But you thanked the universe for allowing these few minutes to exist.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while,” Levi thought out loud, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek. You snap back to attention, staring right into his stormy grey eyes once more.

“I smile lots, unlike you,” you teased.

Levi smiled a bit in retaliation, but shook his head. “You look entirely at peace. And I wish I could keep you like this.”

“Captain,” you sighed, your body subconsciously gravitating closer to him. Your words slipped out before you could even think. “Did you know about the rumors?”

“Hm, what rumors?”

 _That you’re a great kisser_. No, you can’t say that. “Um, nevermind.”

Levi stared at you, looking deep into your eyes. He was searching. Searching for something, which he found. And when he did, his smile widened into one that the crescent moon would be jealous of. A light blush dotted his cheeks once he realized what you were about to say.

“If you wanted it, you could’ve just asked from the beginning.”

“Asked for what-?”

“I love you, (Y/N) (L/N). And you aren’t dying today.”

Before your mind could even begin to register his words properly, his lips were on yours. They were hesitant, and slightly unsure. But soon, they grew bolder as they pressed against yours, as Levi kissed your breath away. You lean forward, your arms around his neck while his wrapped around your waist, pulling each other feverishly closer.

He broke away, only to trail kisses along your jaw. Levi barely had any idea on what he was doing, and whoever made up that rumor you were undoubtedly thinking of earlier was an idiot who clearly thought of him as some kind of womanizer, when this kiss was his first. And so he acted on instinct, as he always does, and his instincts are screaming at him to _kiss you everywhere._

Your fingers run through his dark hair, your eyes closed once more as you held him in your arms as naturally as the darkness of the night sky holds the moon in its palm. You never really gave thought to your feelings for anyone, considering you barely had time to breathe. But everything felt so right when it came to Levi, you knew it was there all along.

“That was my first kiss,” Levi murmured against your skin. It sent delicious shivers down your spine, making it very hard to think or conjure up words.

“Liar.”

“Why does no one believe me? I’m a novice when it comes to love,” he said, smiling and pressing a soft kiss against the hollow of your throat. You thought your heart would be beating intensely, or your stomach would feel uneasy. But all you could feel was peace. He was right where he was meant to be.

“You don’t kiss like one,” you said, smiling and pressing a kiss on the top of Levi’s head. You tucked his head under your chin while he rested in the crook of your neck, your fingers idly playing with his dark hair, both of you with your eyes closed.

“When did you first realize you felt like this?” Levi asked, feeling the need to fill the silence with your voice. He wanted to leave no word unsaid, not with the expedition looming ahead.

“I don’t know,” you said softly. “I suppose I’ve always felt like this.”

“I knew since the first time you changed my bandages.”

You blushed scarlet, more so when you finally realize the compromising position you and Levi are currently tangled in. “You were dying like an idiot.”

“And you punched a tree.”

“Shut up and kiss me again,” you mumbled, surprised the words even came out.

“Look at you, talking to your captain like that,” he said with a teasing smirk.

Levi dutifully obliged nonetheless, bringing his lips to meet yours once more. It was an innocent kiss. It was a question and a promise, it was both hopeful and determined to spite fate if it had to. That kiss was Levi’s emotions, poured into the few moments of bliss.

“We have an expedition today,” you said once you both were gasping for air.

“Don’t remind me,” Levi said with a groan. Reality tried to crash into his little dream, but he certainly won’t let it.

“Then don’t die. Promise me,” you said adamantly. Levi cracked his eyes open, looking into your soul as he always does.

“I wish I could tell you I’ve fought enough Titans to know I could come back alive no matter what,” Levi said, picking up a strand of your hair and tucking it behind your ear. “But I’ll promise you if you promise me. No dying, please.”

“I can’t die, my captain in shining armor would come to save me,” you said with your signature mischievous grin, your words a bitter joke laced in sarcasm. “If I die, just know that…"

_What is she saying?_

“Say that again?” Levi asked, confused. Your voice wasn’t even a whisper, it broke off into unintelligible soft sounds. And it killed him not knowing what you said. Was it something important?

“I can’t repeat it now,” you said, winking. “Come back to base alive with me and I’ll tell you.”

“You sound like a wife waiting for her husband to come back from the war,” Levi said, placing one last kiss on your lips, sweet and short. He wants to do that every day until eternity ends.

“Except you’re Humanity’s Strongest and your sweet little wife is coming for that title,” you said.

“If you want to skip dating and go straight to marriage, I don’t think I’d mind,” Levi said half-jokingly.

One last laugh, before dawn pulls you from each other’s embrace to get ready to leave. You felt both lighter and heavier. Your anxieties were pushed to the back of your mind, and yet they were replaced with him. He wouldn’t die out there, would he?

_I love you… See the stars for me._

;;;;;;

“You look tired.”

You turn to look at Mikasa, not sure if you not noticing her approach is more of a testament to how skilled she is at sneaking around or if it just shows how much you _really_ should have slept last night. Right beside her stood Armin, the sweet boy offering you a smile.

“Good morning to you too, Mikasa. And Armin,” you said, nodding and smiling back at Armin. Mikasa had her usual stern, cold expression as she stared at you, an eyebrow raised at your sass. It felt like she was your mother instead of her being a full decade younger.

“Have you had breakfast, (Y/N)?” Armin asked politely.

“I haven’t,” you said, pointedly ignoring Mikasa.

“Well, we can’t go on an expedition on an empty stomach,” Armin said. Then, more hesitantly, his bright blue eyes meet yours. “Do you want to have breakfast together?”

To your surprise, Mikasa doesn’t utter even a peep of protest. And Armin was right, hell if you were dying on an empty stomach, even if your last meal was only going to be the stale rations that the Scouts get.

So odd as it is, you find yourself sitting across from the two young Scouts in the dining hall, a plate of breakfast sitting half-eaten before you. Mikasa stayed silent, though that air of hostility that usually radiates from her is replaced with a stoic calmness.

“Mikasa, didn’t you have something to ask?” Armin said while nudging her arm. Mikasa looked at you, taking a deep breath before nodding.

“You’re close with Captain Levi, aren’t you?” Mikasa asked, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt the only sign that she was slightly hesitant. Her dark eyes stayed pinned on yours.

“You could say so,” you said casually, keeping a poker face and trying not to think about what happened just this morning.

“Have you heard anything about Eren? How he’s doing?”

“What does that have to do with me or Levi?” you asked, slightly confused. Mikasa seemed to be struggling with words but you could feel the worry in her tone, and you remembered how she looked ready to kill whenever you messed with Eren.

“Eren is in Captain Levi’s squad,” Armin cut in mercifully, sparing Mikasa. “He had a rough start and we haven’t heard much about him. Do you know if he’s okay? Has Captain Levi told you anything about him?”

“Well we don’t sit around and talk about Eren all the time,” you said jokingly, though your tone quickly turned serious when you saw Mikasa’s stoic expression. “I’m sorry, but I haven’t heard about anything. I barely remembered the kid was in Levi’s squad.”

“What is your relationship with Captain Levi?” Mikasa asked bluntly, her eyes piercing through yours. Pushing down how flustered you felt, you shot her an icy glare that Levi would’ve been proud of. If only Mikasa didn’t look so much like him when she’s angry.

“Mikasa!” Armin hissed, shooting you an apologetic smile while glancing nervously between you and the future Titan killer before you.

“And what makes you think you can just ask me that, kid?” you asked back, raising an eyebrow as you felt your mask slip smoothly back on. Gone was your joking, warm persona. All that was left behind was a stoic husk not unlike the front that Mikasa was putting up right then and there.

“He’s my cousin—”

“Distant cousin,” Armin cut in.

“—And he is our captain,” Mikasa said through gritted teeth. “He shouldn’t be any more than that.”

Your mask deliberately cracked as the corner of your lips lifted into a cruel smirk. “Aren’t you a meddlesome little girl, Mikasa?”

Mikasa shot out of her chair, her hands reaching for your collar as her eyes blazed with fury. You dodged, anticipating her actions and staying a safe distance away, that same smirk still playing on your face.

“Mikasa, stop it!” Armin half-shouted, his panicked blue eyes scanning the room around us. There weren’t too many soldiers eating their breakfast, and most of them paid you no mind. Fights were probably common.

“If you distract Levi and Eren dies in this expedition, I will kill you myself,” Mikasa said venomously. You cocked an eyebrow, your expression purposely made to be as arrogant as possible.

“Why? Scared that your baby brother can’t handle himself when his babysitter isn’t around?” you taunted. Your eyes flickered down towards the large wooden table that separated you and Mikasa, trying to make sure she couldn’t reach you _that_ easily.

“Both of you, stop it!” Armin said, but his words fell on deaf ears.

“You’re a selfish child, you know that?” Mikasa spat. “Love is blinding. And no one needs a blind, selfish soldier on the battlefield, rushing to each other’s side to save one another and dooming the rest of humanity when you both inevitably die.”

“That’s precious coming from you, but no one is dying today. Certainly not Levi,” you said, your eyes cold as you looked her over. “Are you sure you aren’t talking about you and Eren?”

Without warning, Mikasa lunged over the table again, fists reached out and aiming straight for you. Your eyes widened as you lost a fraction of a second to shock, enough time that you aren’t sure if you can dodge this one as effectively as you did the one before. Your hands come up on instinct to shield your face, your body tensing and bracing for impact with the cold stone floor.

But it didn’t come.

“I leave you two brats for a few minutes and you’re having an impromptu sparring session.”

Levi held Mikasa by her collar, holding her back mere centimeters before her fists would’ve collided with your face. She looked like an angry tiger cub, thrashing in his grip but turning silent when she saw the cold inferno that burned in his grey eyes.

“Apologies, sir,” you said, standing straight up and saluting. Hints of amusement danced on Levi’s expression, but they quickly disappeared when he turned his gaze back to Mikasa.

“Aren’t you going to explain yourself? Attacking a fellow soldier mere minutes before we’re heading out of the walls? Really, I thought you were smarter than that, cadet,” Levi said as he looked at Mikasa with arrogant boredom, releasing her so she falls down to the ground. She doesn’t stay there for long though, picking herself up and holding her chin high as if nothing happened. If not anything else, then Mikasa is a strong and stubborn girl.

“Keep coming to her rescue, stupid lovesick—”

“You may be my cousin and an Ackerman,” Levi cut off, his boredom replaced with a hellish fury. “But I have been an Ackerman for far longer, brat. Keep talking and let’s see if you’ll survive me long enough to have the pleasure of getting eaten by a Titan out there.”

A tinge of fear enters her dark eyes despite her following words. “You don’t scare m—"

“I am your Captain,” he growled. “Do I make myself clear, new recruit?”

“Yes sir,” Mikasa reluctantly said. Though her anger radiated off of her in waves, she didn’t even raise her eyes to meet Levi’s glare. Armin scrambled to her side to grab her arm, pulling her away.

“We would like to be excused to ready ourselves for the expedition, sir,” Armin said politely, standing up straight while Mikasa stood behind him. Levi stared at him as if he can’t quite remember who Armin was, before nodding once.

“Go before you brats give me a headache.”

Once the two left, you turn to Levi. “I’m sorry, really.”

“You didn’t have to attack her because she was talking bad about me, it’s what cousins do,” Levi said, heaving a sigh and running a hand through his hair as he sat down, pulling you to sit beside him.

“I didn’t attack her!” you protested.

“Yes, but you made her attack you, didn’t you?” Levi asked with a raised eyebrow. You grin mischievously, shrugging.

“I can’t help myself, it was too easy,” you said, pushing your still-warm and untouched cup of tea towards Levi, who accepted it gratefully.

A moment of silence fell between you as you tried to gather your thoughts. Levi lets you take your time, sipping tea while he ran through the plan once more for the expedition. He was tired mentally, but being beside you and sipping some tea you brewed helped him a lot.

“You want to say something, so say it,” Levi said, interrupting your train of thought.

“If I’m in danger, would you come for me?” you finally asked, avoiding his eyes.

Levi sat there stunned for a few beats, mulling your question over in his head. As a soldier and captain, he had to say no. He couldn’t risk the entire expedition over one soldier, no matter who that soldier may be, with the exception of maybe Commander Erwin. But as Levi Ackerman, he couldn’t make himself say no.

“Why do you ask, do you think you can’t handle yourself? You’re stronger than that, and we’re making it through,” Levi said, expertly dodging the question. You smiled bitterly.

“If I’m getting eaten by a Titan, you keep going and don’t look back, okay? Promise me?” you asked, finally meeting his gaze with pleading eyes. It was Levi’s turn to pretend that the floor had something very interesting to look at,

“You know I can’t promise that,” Levi said softly.

You reach out to grasp his hand. His fingers were cold, but you held them tight. “Levi Ackerman, don’t turn back just for me. Don’t do it, because I’m not worth it.”

“But—”

“Don’t prove Mikasa right. We aren’t lovesick idiots,” you said sternly. Hesitantly, Levi nodded, which was good enough for now.

“If you don’t want me running to save you, don’t die on me,” Levi said, gently squeezing back at your fingers. You smile brightly.

“Well, none of us are dying today, so that was just an ‘if’ scenario,” you said flippantly, standing up and pulling Levi along with you. “Come on, shouldn’t you be getting ready with Commander Erwin or something?”

“I still need to introduce you to Erwin later, when this is all over,” Levi said, just remembering about his old friend.

“I heard he’s handsome,” you said, a cheeky grin betraying your true motives. Still, petty jealousy nips at poor Levi.

“Or you can just never meet him.”

“I was kidding, Shorty!” you laughed, nearly skipping out of the dining hall.

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there goes the last chapter I've pre-written. I have the next one half done but as my fellow writers will know, writing is a terrible pain-  
> But anything for husbando Levi


	9. The Immortal's Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The supply run begins, but surely the main characters won't die. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LARGE DISCLAIMER  
> The expedition isn't at all based on the one they had in the anime. It isn't based on anything on the anime, but they're simply going on a supply run out into the territory of Wall Maria after it has fallen. So don't go complaining about that, I've warned you already.  
> I hope you enjoy!

“You look absolutely sleep-deprived.”

“Shut up, Shitty Glasses. I don’t have the patience today.”

Levi stood there radiating a dark aura while prepping his horse, secretly loathing the fact that he has to be inside the filthy stables. Hange was beside him with her own horse, looking like much more of a morning person than Levi was.

“How has it been going with that girl? (Y/N), right? Have you seen her lately?” Hange asked, her questions rapid and with as much curiosity as most of her other, usually more scientific questions. Despite being a Section Commander and one of the leading Titan experts, she apparently is still very much invested in her friend’s love life.

Levi felt his lips tingle as the memory came back. “Yes, I have seen her.”

“Please tell me you moved past pining,” Hange said, an eyebrow raised and a small grin playing on her lips.

“I don’t pine,” Levi snapped, slightly embarrassed that he was being so obvious.

The bit of time after your graduation up until a few days ago when he finally saw you again had been a special kind of hell. And Levi Ackerman was used to most hells. He was used to being thrown into the middle of a bloody battle to fight for his life alongside his fellow soldiers. He was used to the stress and burden that came with his rank and reputation. And he was used to the harsh, trapped reality that he was forced to live in until humanity finally finds its freedom.

And yet, the few months without you had been torturous. It was a creeping, slow sort of hell. Though everything seemed calm, Levi was always anxious. His mind was distracted, his thoughts nearly always preoccupied by you and just you. He wasn’t really complaining about that last part, but something in him ached for you again. Your presence and teasing smirk. Your mischievous grin and warm, smiling eyes.

So maybe he was pining. But he had missed you so much.

“Let’s pretend I believe that,” Hange said lightly, enjoying how much he got to tease the forever-serious Levi.

“Focus on the mission,” Levi snapped weakly, pointedly avoiding Hange’s gaze. He jumped onto the saddle that he finally finished strapping onto his horse, and with much more ease than one would expect for a man of Levi’s height.

“It’s just another supply run,” Hange said, flicking the reigns of her own horse to move it into a light trot. Levi followed suit, falling into line beside her.

“We’re trying out that new system though,” Levi pointed out warily. How many will inevitably die for this little experiment?

“It’ll be fine, Shorty. Your precious lover isn’t going to die.”

Though the words could’ve sounded teasing, they weren’t. There, in her soothing voice and their calm tone, she showed a rare glimpse of Section Commander Hange Zӧe, with her assuring confidence and reliable stability. Though it wasn’t shown often, Hange is more than just a brilliant yet eccentric researcher. And for a long time, she was one of the few who Levi considered a friend.

Hange would be a terrible friend if she couldn’t see how distracted Levi was. How much her friend thought of and worried over you. And though Hange was ecstatic Levi finally found comfort and possibly love in another human being, she can’t help but pity him for the fact that there is never a right time for love to blossom. Not in their war-filled world.

“Of course she isn’t,” Levi finally answered. “She’s as strong as any of us.”

“Wonderful. Shall we go and meet Edwin then?”

;;;;;

Your lack of sleep was _really_ starting to get to you.

Your eyes threatened to close shut, and the gentle swaying of the mare you were riding did not help. The earth was calm as you rode through forests and grass plains, still within the relative safety of the walls. And coupled with the fact your usually hyper-alert senses were dulled enough at the moment that you wouldn’t know a Titan was near you until it ate you, you were quite ready for sleep.

“(L/N)! Pay attention!”

“Yes sir,” you trilled in your usual monotone at the more senior soldier that lead your pack of new Scouts. The rest of the childish baby soldiers had their excitement to keep them awake, and yet all you wanted was a bed. And your captain beside you.

“We should be outside the walls in a few minutes. Remember, do not break formation,” the soldier said to the group, though his sharp eyes stayed on you. “And don’t forget to use the signal flares.”

“Yes sir!” you all chorused.

You tried to run it through your head again to try and ward off the drowsiness that might end up getting you killed. _Green is change direction, red is Titan spotted. Purple is emergency. Black_ _is… what was it again? Oh, Abnormals. I can figure out the rest once my head stops dying, right?_

Your headache threatens to worsen, but you keep your gaze forward and focused. Slowly, your mischievous and reckless persona gives way to a much more serious one. Despite every odd being against your survival, you had made a promise to return to your captain alive. And so you weren’t going to let them kill you, not yet.

Being one of the top 10 of your class had put you in the sights of several of your seniors, attracting lots of chiding, but at least the spotlight stayed mostly on Mikasa. Though you tell yourself you could’ve ranked higher if you put in your full effort, you can’t lie to yourself by saying you could beat her, all past teasing aside.

If Mikasa was the main character of the story, surely you would be an unnamed, faceless soldier. A part of Mikasa’s or Eren’s grim story, a stepping stone in the long path towards humanity’s freedom. And of course, your death on the battlefield was not only inevitable, but imminent.

You silently shake away those thoughts, Levi’s disapproving face popping into mind as you do. You’d see him again. You will.

It all felt so sure. Your mind had started underestimating the supply run. It was only a supply run, no one was going to die on such an unimportant phase of the quest towards freedom. Surely _you_ wouldn’t.

But now, once you’ve ridden past the walls, nothing was sure.

Almost immediately after you’ve entered no-man’s-land, a red signal flare shot into the sky from somewhere to your right, tainting the bright blue with a foreshadowing of blood. You look towards the center of the formation, awaiting orders from Commander Erwin, your whole body suddenly buzzing with a shot of adrenaline. Your horse rode faster than it ever had before, and your fingers were itching as they held onto your flare gun.

Predictably, a burst of green shot into the air. You look towards your squad leader, who gave a short affirming nod, before you follow suit with a green signal flare of your own. With calculated precision, your group moves to the left, so totally synchronized that you were never even close to breaking formation.

So far, everything was alright.

“Keep calm!” your squad leader shouts over the rushing winds.

You glance at the rest of your group as you shout back, most of them buzzing with the same energy as you. “Yes sir!”

Your first battlefield. Your first Titans. Your first kills.

You urged your horse to run faster.

“Stay in formation if you don’t want to die!” the squad leader shouts once more. You barely hear him, and even then the words barely register. With a small scowl, you slow down so you don’t break away from the group.

“Sir, Titan up ahead!” Armin shouts. Sure enough, a Titan came running at your group. If you had to guess, it was around 10 meters tall. And though inexperienced, you were confident your group can handle it.

“Prepare to engage!” the squad leader shouts back. Then his eyes turn to you. “(L/N), signal!”

“Yes sir!” Your fingers deftly slot in a red flare into your gun and you fire it up at the sky. A chain of green followed suit as the formation moved to rearrange itself in order to let your group handle the Titan.

As soon as you tuck the flare gun back into the strap by your thigh, your hands move to grab your blades. Your ODM was ready to go, and every nerve in your body was tingling with anticipation for the moment you were allowed to fly and draw Titan blood.

“Permission to engage, sir?” a cadet asked.

“Not yet.”

Were Titans really this big? As immobile training dummies, 10 meters weren’t a lot by far. Your blades felt much larger when the kill wasn’t real, and it was far less scary when that disturbing grin ready to swallow humans whole wasn’t present. A pinch of doubt nipped at the edges of your heart, and a part of you tried to convince you to turn around. As if it wasn’t entirely too late.

But as you look towards your fellow soldiers, new cadets half-frozen in fear, you knew you couldn’t afford to hesitate now. Your entire group could get slaughtered. And by all the gods above, you will not let Mikasa take all the spotlight today.

No, you can’t freeze now.

“Now!”

You shot up into the air just like the smoke signals you sent before, up into the heavens before gravity started pulling you down. The sense of freedom that came from flight brought a grin to your face, and suddenly all your hesitation melted away like it never existed. Your muscles relaxed into your practiced routine, the ODM bringing you straight at the back of the Titan’s neck.

Effortlessly, you spin your body using the momentum gravity brought. Your blades flashed under the beating sun before blood splashed into the air, your cut through the Titan’s nape killing it instantly.

You yelled out your victory, maneuvering to land back on your still running horse. Your team laughed and clapped like the children they were, the real touches of war not yet reaching them. And to be honest, it hadn’t quite reached you either.

Your squad leader, instead of looking exasperated at you as he usually does, shoots you an approving gaze. Though it lasted for only the briefest of moments, a surge of pride shot through your veins, combining with the adrenaline to make you feel like nothing could kill you.

You were invincible, if not immortal. And soon, you’d be back in Levi’s arms, safe and sound. Right?

;;;;;

His mind ran a mile a minute for every second that passed after your red signal went up. Erwin regarded it like he did any signal, assessing it briefly and logically before doing as he planned to do. Levi knew he shouldn’t worry, but he couldn’t help himself.

The captain saw the Titan in the far, far distance. A solitary one, thankfully, and a smaller regular Titan too. You could handle it. You could handle it, and he knew it. He needed to put a bit more faith in you.

“Oi, Levi. No getting distracted,” Erwin called out, his stern expression fixed on Levi. The latter clicked his tongue in annoyance and avoided the commander’s gaze, scanning the horizon in an attempt to look like he was as focused as he usually was. He wasn’t, but he didn’t need Erwin to know.

“I’m not distracted,” Levi answered in his usual clipped tone.

Hange looked at him in concern, seeing right through his terrible lie. “It’ll be alright, Shorty. They’ll be alright.”

_She’ll be alright._

Levi only spared Hange a glance before the slight movement in the distance grabbed his full attention. His eyes, knowing exactly what to look for after years of experience, quickly found the group of Titans advancing towards them.

“Titans ahead, I’m engaging as soon as they come into distance,” Levi announced, leaving no room for discussion even as he was talking to the commander himself. Erwin simply nodded however, knowing full well that Levi could handle it easily.

“Call me if you need help,” Hange shouted casually. Levi raised an eyebrow, a gesture with a thinly-veiled meaning, and one she answered with a simple grin.

_I’ll end this fast enough that I won’t need your help._

“Commander Erwin, should we signal to reroute?” a soldier asked from behind.

Erwin shook his head, smiling as Levi prepared his ODM. “There’s no need, soldier.”

Levi let his gear take him up, latching onto the shoulders of one of the Titans. It was a group of three, normal Titans, of mostly medium size. As soon as he approached, they turned all their attention to him, their clumsy hands grasping at air as he skilfully dodges their attempts at capturing him. The soldiers lucky enough to be able to watch soon learned once more why Levi was Humanity’s Strongest.

His blades flashed for only the briefest moments before they found it coated in blood. As he hopped from one to the other, killing each in fluid, yet rapid motions, they felt like they were watching a dance, and one that Levi had practiced for more than a decade. One that made him look like a god of death.

The Titans met their deaths in rapid succession, their ends brutal but quick as Levi killed them as efficiently as possible. Before they even knew it, the captain found himself back on his horse as if nothing happened, the Titan’s blood already evaporating from where they stained his clothes and blades.

Erwin smiled at his friend, who shrugged off his kills with the ease of one who has found a strange home in the familiarity of the battlefield and death. “Shall we continue, then?”

“Threat cleared, so unless you want to wait around to get eaten I suggest we move faster,” Levi said. He was barely even out of breath, his voice clear and even. Though if Levi was honest, he simply wanted the mission to finally end so he can find a clean change of clothes and his bed.

And he wanted you beside him, safe and sound.

“You heard the captain,” Erwin said. “Let’s try and move faster to catch up with the rest. We don’t want to break formation any more than we already have.”

“Yes sir!”

;;;;;

Your blood rushed as your heart thumped against your rib cage. For the first time in a long, long while, you felt powerful. Finally, you could do more than just hide when faced with the monsters that took your family. You could stop them from killing instead of frantically trying to heal the wounded who mostly ended up dying anyway.

Though the blood bothered you slightly, you were very much desensitized to it. As you rode on in silence, your mind wandered back towards the bloody past you left behind.

Your days after Wall Maria had fallen were filled with starvation and tears. You ran around as a medic, trying to save the people you started to care for. And yet, without fail, they died. If not due to their wounds, then due to the lack of food or from being overworked, or from the abuse from the damned useless soldiers. And even if they survived all that, the quarter of a million souls sent to their deaths would inevitably include them.

If only you could’ve done more. If only you could’ve killed them all as they broke into humanity’s cage, on the most random day possible. If only they never broke in at all. If only you could’ve hunted every last one of them until they never existed before they traumatized and orphaned the children of so many.

You were mostly past that, however. Though Eren swore to kill every Titan out there, you knew realistically it wasn’t so easy. All you wanted was this. This sliver of power that made you feel like you were fighting back. This weapon you now know how to use in your hand. This promise that would turn you into a Titan killer even if you had to sacrifice everything else.

Your glance flitted towards the rest of the soldiers in your group, most still propped up by their adrenaline. However, your gaze lingered at Mikasa, who stared down sullenly at her horse in a grim silence right beside you.

Worry. She was worried. And you had a good idea what, or who, she was worrying over.

“Mikasa, alright over there?” you asked. She sent you a venomous glare.

“Focus on the battlefield,” Mikasa answered coldly.

Maybe it was because you both worried over someone you shouldn’t. As soldiers, others relied on you to prioritize the mission over the safety of individuals. Yet, just as you can’t stop caring for Levi, Mikasa probably can’t stop thinking about the boy that has been her brother for most of her short life.

“Eren will be fine, he has Levi with him,” you said, softly enough that you were sure no one else heard you. Her dark eyes snapped towards you, her intense gaze intimidating before they softened into a sort of understanding.

“Levi will be fine too. Us Ackermans aren’t killed so easily.”

You smile a bit, slightly shocked considering the fact that you weren’t expecting her to respond. Though it took fate throwing both you and the people you both cared for into mortal danger, you finally started seeing Mikasa as a potential ally.

“We both know that very well,” you said with a chuckle. Between the intense moments of Titan kills and scanning for smoke signals were these precious few seconds, where your bond with the others changed in a way that only looming death could strengthen it.

Mikasa cracked a rare small smile, one that reminded you painfully of your captain. You wondered if he was handling everything alright, before realizing what an idiot you were for even questioning it. He’ll be completely fine. He has Section Commander Hange Zӧe with him, and Commander Erwin himself. And besides, he was Levi Ackerman. No great danger would threaten him, not when he was so important, right?

And Eren was right with them, in the safest spot of the entire formation. You glance at Mikasa once more, and it was as if she knew exactly what you were thinking. But you also knew that facts weren’t enough to stop you from overthinking.

In your mutual worry, you both find out that immortals can still bleed.


End file.
